What might have been

Boyfriend 1 – If we would have gotten married, that would have been a total train wreck. We were only 20, and the only reason I said yes when you asked me was because I had just spent a few months living back at home with my parents and I wanted to GET OUT OF THERE! I had just changed colleges, and I had no friends yet. You were a nice guy and you treated me really well – you had a romantic side that lent itself to grand gestures – like the time you were Pledgemaster for your fraternity and you made the pledges drive from Ft. Collins to my house and sing to me on my front steps. Awesome. I don’t think you would have fit in very well with my family though. We’re all pretty loud and outgoing and you were quiet – even though you and my dad were both engineers, you never had much to talk about, which is weird because my dad can talk to anyone. Anyway, you were a great starter boyfriend – thanks for that.

Boyfriend 2 – You were great from Day 1. I met you at a party and we had mutual friends, so we ended up hanging out. Weirdly, I had just moved from Ft. Collins and you had just moved from my town to Ft. Collins. We did the long distance thing for a while, and it worked out fine, and then you came back to Denver and started back at the college I went to. You were an amazing athlete, and I learned how to ski, mountain bike and rollerblade while we were together. You were funny and silly and totally hot. You were great with kids and you even won over P, who is not that easy to win over. My mom LOVED you, which also rarely happens. However, I would have spent our life together walking all over you and you would have been too afraid to tell me you were unhappy – kind of like when we broke up and I basically had to make you say it. I probably also would have maybe cheated on you, just because it was something more interesting to do than get my way all the time. From what I hear about the girl you married, it’s probably just like that (minus the cheating), but that’s what you’re comfortable with. I know you’re probably a great dad and I’m really glad that you’re happy.

Boyfriend 3 – Wow, that would have been HORRIBLE. I loved you a lot (and I know you loved me even more) but I would have never trusted you completely. You were the kind of guy who women openly ogled when we walked by – you were the guy that dressed nicely and looked excellent in everything you wore. You treated me like a queen and you hammered into my head that I should never let anyone treat me as less than that. You were generous and fun, and we had a lot of cool adventures. But as I got older, I would have resented your jealous streak, and been mad about how much time you spent with “the boys”. Actually, we stayed together a year longer than we should have – but the four years we were together taught me more about who I wanted to spend my life with than any other relationship. Thank you for giving me confidence and strength and for making sure that I understood that I deserved the very best and to never settle for anything less than just that. I will always be grateful for you.

Not Boyfriend – Well, to write this, all we have to do is go back in the blog archives a couple of years and see how wrong you were for me. Not for any other reason than you were so damaged by your divorce that you couldn’t see past your pain into the future. Well, that and also the fact you had no clue what you wanted to do with your life. You talked college, since you had dropped out. Which I encouraged, but I knew then that we wouldn’t end up together because I didn’t want to be with someone who was still in the drifting phase of their life. I needed more stability than that, and you just weren’t at that place. Other places you were not at included every other place you would need to be in order to have a healthy relationship. The funny thing is that you were exactly what I needed – you taught me how to be understanding and patient with someone who had been hurt by a divorce. When I heard that Chris was divorced, I almost wrote him off because I didn’t want to repeat YOU. But I didn’t, and I’m so thankful that I took that leap. The funny thing is, we were still talking and hanging out when I met Chris, but the day he and I started dating, I stopped hearing from you. It’s like you disappeared, and honestly, if I hadn’t known you since we were kids, I would think maybe you were a dream or something. Thanks though. Thanks for teaching me what I needed to know.

Wedding Post 1 of 8...hojillion

Oh boy. Now you’re in for it. WEDDING TALK. I apologize for starting to talk about it so long in advance, but I can’t seem to help myself. Because it’s a WEDDING! And it’s MY WEDDING! And this time I’m going to actually get married and not just wear the ring for six months and then give it back after succumbing to all of the sense that people kept trying to talk into me!

Yes, as a sidebar, I may have mentioned that I was engaged before – when I was 20. My parents were not excited. My friends were not excited. Every single adult in my life hammered me with reasons I shouldn’t be getting married. When I drunkenly kissed one of my fiance’s fraternity brothers at a party one night, I realized maybe all the adults might have a point about the not getting married thing. So I broke it off. And have never regretted it. I’d be divorced by now, mostly because he had the personality of a pine tree and I’m not sure what I saw in him in the first place, but whatever. He was a nice guy and we actually kept in touch for a couple of years after we broke up. I heard he got married a few years ago (to the girl he dated before me – what?) and I’m glad that he’s happy.

I’M happy! We’ve picked the date (4th of July 2009), the venue (backyard wedding!), size (small) and our bridesmaids and groomsmen. Plus, I’m marrying the best guy ever, and everyone is on board, including the children. They could care less about the marrying part, the more important question is whether they will get to wear pretty dresses. Which of course they will.

Here’s where Chris gets freaked out – my bridesmaids bought their dresses before he even proposed. Ha. It’s true. But here’s why:

I’m a girl. We spend a good part of our lives thinking about our perfect wedding, hashing out details that will most likely change with taste and age and time. However, there are some things that don’t change. One of those things, for me at least, was my bridesmaids. I have had the same four best friends since high school, and they have always been the only ones I wanted in my wedding. Whenever one of us gets engaged, it’s a given that the other four will be bridesmaids. Chris and I picked out the date for the wedding a few months ago, the official proposal just hadn’t happened yet. So it wasn’t like I was TOTALLY jumping the gun.

Plus, I sort of had help. Once we picked July 4th, my little OCD brain was like “Colors! Red white and blue!” but the sensible side was like “Oh for pete’s sake. We’re not having a patriotic themed wedding.” So I emailed Beth to talk me off that ledge. We’ve been friends for 26 years – she knows how to deal with me. She suggested just using red, and then once we agreed to that, she got excited and started sending me bridesmaid dress suggestions. I thought about it for a few weeks, and then a week ago, Beth and I got serious about dress selection. We decided on black and white print dresses with red accents. So we picked out a bunch (no traditional bridesmaid dresses – strictly cocktail dresses) and narrowed the field to three. Sent the three to Kendra, Karen and Becki, and they picked their favorite. Once we settled on the dress everyone liked, within 20 minutes, they had all bought their dresses. My friends are the best!

I know there’s a year to go, but anyone who knows me knows I love a plan, plus there’s a lot to think about. Luckily, I have a ton of people who are excited as well and who are creative and awesome, so it should be fun. Because if it’s not fun, that totally defeats the purpose.

Married, you guys. I’m getting MARRIED. I still kind of can’t believe it.

No big news here...

So. How was everyone’s weekend? Did you have good weather? Did you enjoy the time off work? Did you get engaged?

BECAUSE I TOTALLY DID!

Chris did it just right - one knee, in our house with just us there. The ring is so much more shinier and sparklier and diamondier in real life - the pictures don't do it justice...Yay! We're getting married next summer!

Oops, where did that bottle of red wine go?

So. My company (hereafter known as "the MAN") has installed a fancy new firewall that blocks me from, well, pretty much everything. Including blogs - anything categorized as "social networking." Bah. The MAN has benevolently granted us 90 minutes of "quota time" every day, which is better than nothing I suppose but I feel all pressured to read fast and comment fast and post fast. Because we're only allowed to have quota time in 10 minute increments. Gah! Faster! Your time is almost up!

So. Right now I'm posting from home - I made Chris bring his laptop home so I'd have internet and could post. Only I had to go to Abby's soccer game. Then I had to make some dinner - just for Chris and I because the girls are with their grandparents - and then I had to surf around facebook because I just got on today (during quota time - it sounds like nap time, doesn't it?) and THEN by the time I was done with all that, I'd had three glasses of red wine. So instead of something good, you get this.

Um, let's see. We went and saw Bon Jovi last week - THAT was awesome. They've still got it after 25 years in the biz - and while Richie Sambora may or may not have alcohol issues, what he does have are some bad ass guitar skillz.

Chris likes to watch the military channel, and ohmygod, it is so boring. It's on right now and he's like "honey, look at this!" and then he starts talking about something military related that's on t.v. and all I can hear is blah blah blah.

Did I mention I've been drinking? We aren't really red wine drinkers, but since Chris recently found out that his cholesterol is like in the stratosphere and that red wine can help that, well, we decided to try drinking it on a regular basis. Historically, I'm not a red wine drinker, but in a show of support, I got on board. I keep telling him that just one or two glasses can help his cholesterol and we don't have to drink it a bottle at a time, but somehow it happens anyway. And then I succumb to peer pressure - I can't let him drink alone, right? Before anyone starts staging an intervention, let me just say that this is the first time we've drank any wine in like a week, so it's not like it's every night. You know, for the record.

Alright. I've taken up enough of your time with a totally worthless post. See what happens when I get performance anxiety? I've been putting off writing a good post because I felt like I couldn't dedicate the time (Quota time! Ten minutes! Here comes the MAN!) and then when I could actually put some time into it, you get the blog equivalent to a drunk dial. I'm a great friend.

What? The bottle of wine is gone? That's ok...I love you man.