Friday, June 24, 2005
And now that we’re back, I’m “cleaning up my email” (or “writing a blog” as the case may be) and then I’m leaving. I have some stuff to do before I leave for the big excursion tomorrow. What kind of stuff I don’t know, but it probably entails cleaning my house so that when my mom comes to take care of the cats while I’m gone, she won’t be like “how do you live in this MESS” when I come home. Because to her, this MESS is a pair of shoes left in the living room. Whatever – I know that when I come back, my house will be cleaner than when I left. As I’ve said before, I come by my OCD honestly.
So adios, amigos. I’m sure I’ll have all kinds of tales to tell about the trip. And some pictures. Since I’ve done this many times before, I can assure you that, yes, hijinks will ensue.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Because every other blogger I know has already been tagged in this game of "Six Favorite Songs Of The Moment," the chain probably ends here. Since Kendra tagged me, here they are:
1. Ever the Same -- Rob Thomas (Best. Song. EVER)
2. Incomplete -- Backstreet Boys (What? It's a really good song)
3. Behind These Hazel Eyes -- Kelly Clarkson (I've tried to resist her charms, but have failed miserably)
4. Collide -- Howie Day (I love boys who sing about love like they mean it)
5. All That I Am -- Rob Thomas (because I've been listening to all Rob, all the time, this whole week)
6. Remember When It Rained -- Josh Groban (I also love a man with a gorgeous voice)
I will be burning these (and others) to cd tomorrow so that I have something to listen to in the van on the way to Mexico. Actually, having it for the trip back is more important, because by then, everyone will be REALLY sick of each other and there'll be fighting and as an "adult" leader, perhaps I should step in, but since chances are pretty good that I may also be sick of everyone, I choose to stay in my cocoon o'music. I like to think of it less as me not wanting to deal with them, and more as a chance for them to learn conflict resolution. THAT, my friends, is what makes me an effective "adult" leader. At least that's the angle I'm going for.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Memo to garbage truck drivers:
Dear Sanitation Engineer –
I realize that you have a job to do, and that it’s a pretty disgusting job at that, but I would be so happy if you didn’t drive on Highway 93 between the hours of 5 and 6 p.m. I know you know that this is predominantly a two lane highway, and also that the weather the past couple of days has been upwards of 90 degrees. If we take these two factors and add in the fact that I enjoy driving home from work with my sunroof open, well, I’d just like to let you know that your presence on 93 is a hazard. Because the car speed is fast and let’s not dance around it – your truck redefines the word “stench,” and I could get in a horrible accident because I’m driving behind you with one hand on the wheel and one hand holding my nose. Safety first my friend. Safety first. Thanks dude!
Hey! Nick at Nite turns 20 years old this month, and in celebration, they’re airing shows from 1985. Do you know what that means? SILVER SPOONS!!! Starring my first ever celebrity crush, Ricky Schroder. He goes by “Rick” now, since he gained some acting credibility beyond his adorable little face by playing Danny Sorenson on “NYPD Blue.” In that show he was pretty tortured. But still adorable. Sigh. Suddenly, I'm nine years old again.
My favorite new cd is Rob Thomas’ “Something to Be.” I love every song on it, though some I love much more than others. Like in the way that rips my heart out because it’s just such a great song. I think anyone who has never felt a strong reaction to music at some point in their life must have something wrong with them. Very. Wrong. I actually had a strong reaction to the new Dave Matthews Band cd. However that reaction was that I did NOT like it. Dave’s last great cd was “Crash,” though there have been a couple of awesome songs in the meantime. Sigh. Sorry Dave – I’m leaving you for Rob.
I found this awesome website called Cyranet Greeting Cards (www.cyranet.com). They’re e-cards for literally every occasion, but for snarky and sarcastic people. One I found that I thought fit me pretty well was “Are you playing hard to get? Because I’m not very perceptive.” Yes, another shout out. Hey! Not Boyfriend! What’s your email address?
I’m leaving for a week long excursion to Juarez, Mexico on Saturday. No no, don’t be jealous. Just because I’m going to be sleeping on a “bed” fashioned of cinder blocks and plywood, taking “showers” in questionable, non-heated water, drinking hot bottled water because there’s no way we could possibly make enough ice to keep a huge jug of water cool in upwards of 100 degree weather. Seriously, don’t be jealous. If you wanted to, you too could not have electricity or a mirror for 5 days, check your shoes in the morning for scorpions and try not to get dehydrated while you’re on a work site building a house but at the same time, not drinking nearly enough water because, um, there’s no bathrooms at aforementioned work sites. Did I mention that I’ll be doing all of this with 16 high school kids, right after we drive from Colorado to El Paso to Juarez? And then we have to drive back? Because that’s what I’ll be doing with this week of vacation from work. And you know what? I’m gonna LOVE it. I loved it last year and I’ll love it this year because there’s no experience like it.
So those are the notes from today. I’m sure I’ll think of something earth-shattering later. In a sleep-deprived stupor from staying up and watching t.v. all night long in hopes of seeing another episode of “Silver Spoons.” Maybe I’ll come up with a list of reasons why I'm still single. Hmmm. What should be first on the list...?
Monday, June 20, 2005
I’m not saying that happened to me, but hypothetically, let’s say I have this FRIEND who had a dream about a guy who works in her office. He’s not a co-worker, but his group shares a suite with my FRIEND’S group. And yes, we can stop the charade – there is no FRIEND. It’s me. In case you’re super dense and hadn’t figured that out yet. Anyway, this guy is totally nice and he’s good looking, and I decided that even though we’re friends and talk kind of a lot, he’s not the kind of guy I want to date. It’s fun, it’s flirty, it’s nothing remotely akin to long-term potential. I don’t think about him outside work – in fact, I don’t give him a lot of thought AT work, unless I happen to run into him, so it’s bizarre that he showed up in the dream at all, especially in that context. Because in the dream? We were kissing. And not just the “hi, how’s it going” type of kiss.
Then I saw him and remembered the dream. Luckily, we were passing at the elevator, and so I had time to recover from the jolt before I had to make conversation. So today, Iwas eating lunch outside by myself and he came out to say hi and so I said “Oh, by the way – you were in my dream the other night. We were making out. I’m not kidding. We were.” And in that split second I saw him think about it and then turn the loveliest shade of red. And THEN I said “I just thought I’d tell you – have a good lunch!” and knew that when he went back to his desk that he would be thinking about it. And he’d tell his friends. Not because I’m so hot that the guy couldn’t help but think about hooking up with me, it’s just that when a decent looking girl tells a guy she dreamt they were making out, he’s gonna think about it. It’s a given – helloooo? He’s a guy. And also, I know he and his co-worker boys think about stuff and talk amongst themselves, because one time I was wearing my knee high black boots and I saw one of the guys and suddenly, the rest of them were wandering around with the desire to talk to me. And then one gave it away when I asked him why he kept staring at my skirt by saying “yeah, uh, Donny said you looked hot today.” Suave, boys.
Usually I would probably keep the dream to myself, however, on the heels of last week’s destructive kick, I’m embarking on a perhaps reckless “devil may care” kick. My friend Marlene at work says that I’m “on a tear.” Maybe I am. Whatever it is – insert evil laugh here – it’s FUN.
**Update** About 30 minutes after I posted this blog, who should wander over to my office but the Boy from the Dream. We chatted, there was flirting (as usual) and then he asked me out. No concrete plans as of this minute, but I figure what the hell. It's not like I'm doing anything right now anyway. AND, he's a Scorpio, and I love me some Scorpio men. If you're a Scorpio or a Taurus, chances are pretty good I will find you irresistible. I will try to hide it, but I will probably secretly be figuring out how I can make out with you. Heh. And heh. Seriously, I'm horrible. This, THIS is what happens when I get bored...
Saturday, June 18, 2005
I would totally go see it again, and in fact, may buy it when it comes out. “Why Amber,” you say “I had no idea you were such a fan of Batman.” That’s because I’m not. However, I AM a huge fan of Christian Bale. I loooooove him. I’ve loooooved him ever since I saw him in “Newsies” the first time (and the subsequent hundred times after that). I think I am now spoiled for all other men, because he is quite possibly the most beautiful man on the face of the earth. I just sat there staring at him the whole time like an idiot. Look! It’s Christian in a prison outfit and he has a beard! Hot. Hey, there’s Christian dressed up in ninja fighting clothes and kicking some ass! Hot. Look, there’s Christian dressed in a perfectly cut and fitted business suit/tuxedo! Oh my God. HOT. There’s Christian dressed up like Batman and kicking some more ass! Hot, even though I would like to see more of his pretty pretty face. Or, my favorite, HEY! It’s Christian! With no shirt on! Doing pushups! Wearing pajama pants! HOOOOOTTTT!!! I even found myself thinking that if Katie Holmes’ character was supposed to be so smart and grew up with Bruce Wayne, how can she not know that he’s Batman – he has a very distinctive mouth. Wow. I’m a sad, sad girl.
I think it’s a really good thing that I went to the movie with my brother, because he understands my love for all things Christian Bale. I would hate to have to explain all this to some random guy I was dating. Plus, I’d probably spend the rest of the date comparing him to Christian. Because I’m so very sad. And also clearly not at all grounded in reality.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that no one is safe. Hey! Average to homely girls! Good luck with that whole dating thing, because what’s probably going to happen is that you’ll be cheated on. “Hey,” you say, “I may not be gorgeous, but I’m smart and I’m funny and I have a great personality.” What. Ever. You can be all kinds of things, but clearly, that does not matter. Men want what they want and generally, we can figure out what that is without a lot of thought. I’m just saying.
The only woman who can safely say that their significant other will never cheat on them with another woman is Katie Holmes. Because if Tom’s got cheating in mind, you can bet that scenario does NOT include another woman.
I'm really not as cynical as I sound. Well, sometimes I am, but as you know, me and Hope have been fighting, and I figured I'd go into the weekend giving it a beat down.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
So on Sunday, I was in a REALLY bad mood, and feeling a little destructive. Even though it was against my better judgment, I decided I was going to call Not Boyfriend. So what if he hasn’t called me in six months and that the last “conversation” we had was the worst thing ever? By golly, I’m going to call him anyway. So, expecting the worst, and with no plan at all whatsoever in my mind, I called.
Much to my surprise, he answered. Even more to my surprise, he had time to talk and wanted to. Apparently, at this time he was NOT in the car with his boys. So we made some non-awkward small talk (another surprise) and along the way, segued into his reasons for dropping off the face of the earth. I got to say everything to him that I’ve been thinking in my head for the past six months, and he told me his (totally valid) reasons for disappearing. I say totally valid, though in reality, there’s no real validity to disappearing with no explanation from the life of someone you profess to care about. However, since there was some genuine apologizing going on on his part, I will forgive him. We ended up talking for quite a while and when we were getting off the phone, he said he would call me at the end of the week and maybe we could have dinner.
So what does this mean? No clue. I don’t even know if he’ll call, and based on recent experience, I’m not going to hold my breath. I do NOT want to harbor any false hope about what MIGHT happen. Unfortunately, Hope seems to have not gotten that memo. Stupid Hope – that’s the thing that gets me every time. "Maybe this guy will be different," Hope says. "Maybe I’ll meet someone who isn’t what Becki would term 'an emotional f***wit.' Maybe Not Boyfriend will be back and the timing will be better." It’s that last one that I’ve been trying to push down. It’s hard though, and here’s why.
Everybody has a mental list of the things they look for in a person that they may or may not spend the rest of their lives with. It generally ranges from shallow and possibly irrational to deep and on the list for a good reason. I have such a list, and while I’m flexible on some issues, there are a couple that I will not budge on. One of those is “can you hang?” Can you hang with my friends? Because they’re funny and quick and sarcastic and if you can’t take it and give it back, well, there’s gonna be issues. Same with my family – it’s tease or be teased, and if you can’t hang, again, there’s going to be a problem. Can you make me laugh? Because if you can’t, I’ll get bored and that’s never a good thing.
On my mental checklist, Not Boyfriend fits the criteria, even on the shallow things. He could totally hang with my friends – he even has the added “Bear Creek” advantage in that he went to jr. high and high school with us. He is so quick and he makes me laugh all the time. We always have stuff to talk about and (except for that one time) our silences are never awkward. Being together is comfortable without being boring. He’s really affectionate, and even though he’s been hurt by the ex-wife, he’s not an emotional retard because of it. Ok, maybe sometimes he is, but given the situation, I’ll cut him some slack. He’s so tall and he has gorgeous eyes. He’s close to his family and he wants one of his own. He can fix stuff around the house. He has goals that are realistic, and he knows that the only way to get there is through hard work and the occasional sacrifice. He knows who he is and what’s important to him, and he sticks by that. The truth is, he’s someone who I could realistically see myself marrying, because he’s the kind of person I want to be with.
Apparently, I’m going to have to send out a more strongly worded memo to Hope, because clearly, it’s not paying attention to the previous cease and desist order. Stupid Hope.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
So let’s just say that hypothetically, the THEY in this situation is the firefighter. He had been talking a lot about spending time together in the future, and blah blah blah. While this made me happy, I was also pretty skeptical about it, considering my stellar track record over the past year or so. So I didn’t really believe him, but I went along with it, kinda hoping that maybe I’ve just become so jaded that I can’t let down my guard and he really DID mean it. Maybe he did, but I’m really glad I didn’t let my guard down very far. Because today he calls and says something to the effect of “not being ready for this” because “it’s moving pretty fast.” I told him that I agreed with that (which I did – in fact, I was working up the nerve to tell him that, but he saved me the trouble) and so I asked him straight up if he wanted us to stop seeing each other. He said he didn’t know – that it wasn’t something he could decide on quickly and he had to think about it. It was like a two minute phone call.
So ok. Being the optimist that I am, I’m sure he’ll decide NOT to keep seeing me. After overthinking it for most of the day, I decided that I’ll be ok with that eventually (and better by the minute, I’d like to think), even though I’d like to say at this juncture that I’m not sure I EVER WANT TO DATE AGAIN if this is how it’s going to keep being. Because I’m WAY over it.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Cleanin’ Windows – This song reminds me of my dad. I grew up listening to Van Morrison, because he’s one of my dad’s all-time favorites, and I remember Saturday mornings we’d put on a record (yes, a record) and dance around the living room and sing along to the songs. I used to stand on his feet and he’d dance around with me and my mom. I hadn’t heard this song for a long time and then one day it came on and I was totally flooded with memories. I have a lot of great memories of my parents and the fun we have had.
Galileo – I picked this one because it was my first favorite song by the Indigo Girls, and I guess if I had to pick just one song, this is it. It’s also a happy song and it reminds me of summers with the girls and hanging out by the pool with twizzlers, jalapeno cheddar dip, and bottomless water bottles. It’s a great song to sing along with at the very top of your lungs.
The Devil went down to Georgia -- If you know me BUT AT ALL (or read this blog on a regular basis) you know that no soundtrack of Amber is complete without this song. I'll just leave it at that.
Can’t help falling in love – This song primarily reminds me of high school and driving around in the Roadrunner. It especially reminds me of Becki, because she loves this song, but there’s a lot of our junior and senior years in high school caught up in there as well. We have some weird photographic evidence of days of boredom (dressing up like gangstas, taking pics of my brother in his raptor mask, dressed up to seduce the pizza boy, fur coat wearin’ hos) and interesting quotes “daddy, we can’t get drunk when you’re down here,” “Ms. Thomas, Amber ate my carnation” “no I didn’t, it just got stuck in my teeth,” “hey Nate, you’re lucky I wore a bra tonight” and the list goes on. And on. And on.
Birdhouse in your Soul – Another song from high school that reminds me of my brother. He loooooved this song and we’d play it over and over again in the car. When we weren’t listening to that song, we were watching the Princess Bride or playing Aladdin on Sega. Or perhaps I was bossing him around. A couple of years ago, he did this awesome watercolor of he and I from a picture when we were little, and the background was typewritten words that turned out to be the lyrics to this song. I loved it. And now that he writes and plays his own music, sometimes I can hear the influence of They Might Be Giants in there, born of his love of the Birdhouse.
Come Baby Come – This was definitely one of the theme songs of the A-List. Not because it’s an overtly sexual song (because the naïve girls didn’t realize that at the time) but because it’s super fun to dance to and drive to. Everybody sings their part and we play it over and over again. And if you’re Beth, you request it the night we went dancing for Karen’s bachelorette party, thereby making our night. Sigh. Good times.
*Runners up in this category include “Gin and Juice” because there are motions to go along with the words, and “Regulators” because really, who DOESN’T love Warren G?*
Omaha -- This is a great song off of one of my all time favorite cds. It reminds me of Kendra, because we listened to it a lot the summer before we went to college and she was going to college in Omaha. I have listened to that cd so much that I had to buy a new one because I destroyed the first one. THAT'S the mark of a great cd.
Lie in our graves – I wonder if anyone near our age can honestly say that they have no memories of college attached to a Dave Matthews song. I can’t, and it was hard to pick just one, but this is a good one. It reminds me of parties and concerts and doing stuff with my friends that didn’t involve actually going to class. That’s the part of college that I liked. Almost TOO much.
*Runners up in this category include “Satellite” which is the song that hooked me on Dave in the first place, and most of the songs on the “Crash” cd. And others.*
Did you ever look so nice? – I’d like to send a shout out to the ex-boyfriend I mentioned in the Indigo Girls post because he is also responsible for introducing me to the Samples. I LOVE this song. It makes me happy and it reminds me of seeing the Samples at Red Rocks one night in the pouring rain, and it’s just like a background song to fun. And it now also reminds me of Karen’s wedding, because her brother put it on the video he did of John and Karen “over the years” and it was so sweet.
Shimmer – this song reminds me of my cousin Vannie. I heard it right around the time he died, and I still get teary when I hear it. Shawn Mullins’ voice is so great on it and the line that gets me is “his shining eyes are big and blue” because Vannie’s eyes were this gorgeous blue. He was such a sweet boy and I loved him so much (still do) and I wish every day that he was still here. I guess I can’t really explain why this song has such a strong feeling attached to it, but it does. And I love it.
Champagne High – this is the best song for many reasons. First of all, Emily Saliers from the Indigo Girls does backing vocals, and also the words are heart wrenching. I love me some heart wrenching lyrics. If you’ve never heard it, it’s about a guy who goes to the wedding of a girl he loved (loves?) and he’s talking abut how she’s found her life and he’s still looking for his and wondering if he made the right decision about letting her go. It reminds me of a relationship I had that was so great, but that never had a future. Mostly because he pointed that out to me, and so consequently it reminds me of him. In a good way. My favorite words are “wagon’s been hitched to a star…well now he’ll be your thing that’s new…what little I have you can borrow…’cause I’m old and I’m blue…” How sad is that?
Anyway, that's the list. I'm sure as soon as I post this, I'll think of the best song ever that I forgot to mention. Because that's just how it works.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
So I told you about the freakshow non-matches. Before I get into the good ones, you know, the ones I actually went out with, here’s a little background. Anyone who knows me knows that I am prone to anxiety caused by my uncontrollable habit of overthinking absolutely everything. And when I get anxious, I can’t eat. I used to throw up before school on the first day of every new school year because I was so nervous. I had a nightmare two days before Karen’s wedding about how the song I was singing went horribly wrong, and as a result, I pretty much didn’t eat from Friday morning until dinner at the wedding on Saturday. And those of you who were there know how well THAT turned out. So going on blind dates about undoes me. I stopped eating on Thursday because I started getting all nervous about my date on Friday. I know, I know, never a good idea, especially when the blind date involves going out for drinks, but I managed not to get drunk at either date. Wow, you know you've set the bar low when you're like "Made it through date without getting drunk. Check." That's just sad.
The Friday date was with this guy who won me over with his witty emails. He is hi-larious! We emailed back and forth for about a week, he asked for my number, and we talked and emailed some more until we decided to meet. He was really nice and we had a good time – we were going to play pool but ended up just hanging out and talking – but there was zero spark. When we walked to our cars, there was a hug, and I haven’t heard from him since. Not devastated.
However, then there was the Sunday date. If I was nervous about Friday, I was paralyzed by Sunday. See, the guy I was going out with was this guy I had seen way before I ever had a profile on there, and who I thought was so cute immediately. Much to my surprise, a couple of days after my profile went up, he emailed me. How happy was I about THAT? I emailed him back and didn’t hear anything, so just figured he wasn’t interested. Then a week or so later, he emailed me again, and because there was some issues with the email system, we missed an email here and there, and so he gave me his number. His cell AND work numbers, because he works 24 hour shifts and can talk on the phone unless he gets a call. Because he’s a firefighter. Nice. Oh and also? He’s a finalist for the 2006 Colorado Firefighter Calendar. He’s ok if you like that type. Heh. Turns out I do. So then there was some boring stuff about us playing phone tag and then finally talking and setting up a date for Sunday.
We were going to meet at the Morrison Inn, ostensibly to sit on the patio, but it was raining. Super. So then I had to modify my carefully planned summery outfit (that I got during an incident involving my credit card, Ann Taylor Loft and DSW) to something more “50 degrees in practically June” appropriate. I looked cute though. So I got there first, and he was like two minutes late, which is just about enough time for me to freak out and convince myself that I’m being stood up. He showed up and we had some dinner (which I forced myself to eat some of, against my better judgment – it stayed down, luckily, or this blog would have taken a bad turn right there) and ended up deciding to go to his house and get a movie. So we did, it was fun and there was kissing. And also there was him wanting to see me again. So we talked on Monday and I saw him last night and will be seeing him again on Friday. And Sunday. So we’ll just have to see how this goes. For right now, I think what I’m going to do is totally overthink it, read bad stuff into it that isn’t there, and basically continue to freak out. Because that’s what I do. Though you can’t REALLY blame me, what with the whole Sean Donahue thing and the Not Boyfriend Debacle of ’05. I think my trepidation is somewhat warranted. At least that’s what I’m going to keep telling myself.
This might be surprising to many of you (ok, none of you) but I spend a lot of time online. I’m online all day at work, and sometimes at home, and so I go around to a lot of websites. I’ve idly perused match.com many times, and finally, Beth convinced me to put up a profile and see what happened. So with her help (“Uh, Beth? I can’t think of one non-boring thing to say in this profile”) I wrote up a profile and downloaded some pictures. It scared me at first, because within hours of my profile being posted, it had been viewed like 700 times. And there was a lot of winking. For those of you who are uneducated on match, winking is how you let someone know you’re interested in them. It’s a stupid term, because if someone winked at me in real life I’d be like “Um, yeah. I don’t think so.” But on there I’m alright with it, mostly because on there I have a delete button. People can also email you, and it’s all very anonymous – they don’t even know your name until you tell them. So I got some emails as well. If by "some" you mean "about 75."I answered like four. Because there are a lot of weirdos out there and also a lot of short guys. I'm tired of dating guys my height -- if you're under six feet tall, move along. See how shallow I am while still acting appalled at the shallowness of others? Anyway, I even got one from a guy I went to high school with who did not recognize me. Beth and I decided that in that case, a better screening process was in order. Not that he’s dangerous, he’s just weird, and the full extent of that doesn’t quite come across in his profile.
So a decent looking guy emailed me, and I read his profile and he seemed ok, so we decided we’d talk via instant messenger. I have a separate email account for just such an occasion. Anyway. We made small talk for a while until he asked me what I knew he’d been dying to ask me since we started talking: “So, uh, what does ‘curvy’ mean?” (because match gives you options of body descriptors on your profile). I put “curvy” on mine, and he wanted to know what I meant by that, because he doesn’t like girls with big hips or stomachs. And then he wanted me to give him my hip measurements. Uh, ok dude – I’ll get right on that. So glad I used the other email.
The best story thus far is this 42 year old guy who has sent me four emails over like the 3 weeks I’ve been on match -- and I’ve responded to NONE. He’s a big cheeseball. His profile says “I know you're out there and sweetie, I'll find you. I'll feed you strawberries as we share a bottle of champagne in front of a raging fire to celebrate us.” Not kidding. I copied and pasted that straight off his profile. So his emails are like “you’re stunning and our paths crossed for a reason – we’re destined to meet” (*gack*) and then when I don’t respond he’s like “does persistence pay off?” (I’m going to go with “no”) and stupid stuff about how I should take a chance on him and I wouldn’t regret it. Dude, I regret that you ever saw my profile, I’d most certainly regret emailing you. I could block him from contacting me, but since I’ve got an evil streak, I don’t, because even though his emails make me throw up in my mouth a little, I get great amusement from them as well. Amusement I like to pass on to you, the reader. Heh.