Saturday, April 26, 2008

What might have been

Boyfriend 1 – If we would have gotten married, that would have been a total train wreck. We were only 20, and the only reason I said yes when you asked me was because I had just spent a few months living back at home with my parents and I wanted to GET OUT OF THERE! I had just changed colleges, and I had no friends yet. You were a nice guy and you treated me really well – you had a romantic side that lent itself to grand gestures – like the time you were Pledgemaster for your fraternity and you made the pledges drive from Ft. Collins to my house and sing to me on my front steps. Awesome. I don’t think you would have fit in very well with my family though. We’re all pretty loud and outgoing and you were quiet – even though you and my dad were both engineers, you never had much to talk about, which is weird because my dad can talk to anyone. Anyway, you were a great starter boyfriend – thanks for that.

Boyfriend 2 – You were great from Day 1. I met you at a party and we had mutual friends, so we ended up hanging out. Weirdly, I had just moved from Ft. Collins and you had just moved from my town to Ft. Collins. We did the long distance thing for a while, and it worked out fine, and then you came back to Denver and started back at the college I went to. You were an amazing athlete, and I learned how to ski, mountain bike and rollerblade while we were together. You were funny and silly and totally hot. You were great with kids and you even won over P, who is not that easy to win over. My mom LOVED you, which also rarely happens. However, I would have spent our life together walking all over you and you would have been too afraid to tell me you were unhappy – kind of like when we broke up and I basically had to make you say it. I probably also would have maybe cheated on you, just because it was something more interesting to do than get my way all the time. From what I hear about the girl you married, it’s probably just like that (minus the cheating), but that’s what you’re comfortable with. I know you’re probably a great dad and I’m really glad that you’re happy.

Boyfriend 3 – Wow, that would have been HORRIBLE. I loved you a lot (and I know you loved me even more) but I would have never trusted you completely. You were the kind of guy who women openly ogled when we walked by – you were the guy that dressed nicely and looked excellent in everything you wore. You treated me like a queen and you hammered into my head that I should never let anyone treat me as less than that. You were generous and fun, and we had a lot of cool adventures. But as I got older, I would have resented your jealous streak, and been mad about how much time you spent with “the boys”. Actually, we stayed together a year longer than we should have – but the four years we were together taught me more about who I wanted to spend my life with than any other relationship. Thank you for giving me confidence and strength and for making sure that I understood that I deserved the very best and to never settle for anything less than just that. I will always be grateful for you.

Not Boyfriend – Well, to write this, all we have to do is go back in the blog archives a couple of years and see how wrong you were for me. Not for any other reason than you were so damaged by your divorce that you couldn’t see past your pain into the future. Well, that and also the fact you had no clue what you wanted to do with your life. You talked college, since you had dropped out. Which I encouraged, but I knew then that we wouldn’t end up together because I didn’t want to be with someone who was still in the drifting phase of their life. I needed more stability than that, and you just weren’t at that place. Other places you were not at included every other place you would need to be in order to have a healthy relationship. The funny thing is that you were exactly what I needed – you taught me how to be understanding and patient with someone who had been hurt by a divorce. When I heard that Chris was divorced, I almost wrote him off because I didn’t want to repeat YOU. But I didn’t, and I’m so thankful that I took that leap. The funny thing is, we were still talking and hanging out when I met Chris, but the day he and I started dating, I stopped hearing from you. It’s like you disappeared, and honestly, if I hadn’t known you since we were kids, I would think maybe you were a dream or something. Thanks though. Thanks for teaching me what I needed to know.


Alice said...

this is such a cool idea for a post. i need more.. um... distance, i think, before doing one of my own ;-P

Marissa said...

love this post! isn't it amazing when you look back and see all you've learned from each relationship? you had to go through it all to find mr. right, and to realize what you don't and do what in your perfect relationship!

Cheryl said...

I love this post! Perspective is always a good thing.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Wow..this was great. Seems like for the most part you've been pretty lucky.

I could never do a post like this. There is not a single woman that I ever dated that to this day wouldn't like to see me twisting in the wind.

GW Mush said...

What I learned about your b/f posts is that you arent good marriage material. Most guys should avoid you.