I'm telling you, there is a CODE

Ok, so this is a story about one of my girls. We’ll call her Em.

Em is a quiet and shy girl. She’s super smart and cute and she totally loves and values her friends. She looks for the best in people, especially her friends, which is where the trouble came about in this situation.

Em’s best friend is named Bee (as in “bee-otch” – but I’m not biased). I have never met Bee, but from everything Em has told me about her, she’s one of those girls who doesn’t know how to be a good friend. The reason I think this is that from the beginning, she’s ignored THE CODE. This is the code that says you never EVER try to steal a boy from a friend. You just don’t. But see, Bee just ignores that code and has tried since day one to sneakily steal the boy Em likes and has been dating – let’s call him Ken. Bee would constantly hang out with Em and Ken, which was fine in the beginning until Em got over her initial fear of dating Ken – he was her first boyfriend. But Bee would also say things to Em about how she thought Ken was so cute and she liked him and blah blah blah. What? You don’t tell your “best friend” that the guy she’s dating is hot and you want to go out with him. Anyway.

Recently, Em found out that Bee and Ken have been hooking up. Not just “oops, we accidentally drank too much and made out once” but “we hadn’t been drinking at all and it was on multiple occasions”. And it wasn’t just a kiss here and there. It wasn’t sex, but it was going in that direction big time. The way Em found out is that she asked Bee one day and Bee admitted it. She said she felt really guilty and all of that bullshit that people say when they don’t feel guilty at all about the act, they just feel guilty that they got caught.

Em is telling me this story and I’m like “so you’re no longer friends with her OR dating him, right?” And she’s like “I forgave them”. And I about lost my mind right there. She is still “best friends” with Bee and still dating Ken. She keeps telling me things like “they haven’t done it again”, which is when I point out that she doesn’t KNOW they haven’t done it again, and she says “Bee would tell me” and I was like “yes, because she was so honest and straightforward about it the FIRST few times.” We’ve gone in circles about this for a few weeks now, with me (and our other friend Mollie) telling Em that she has GOT to get rid of these two. Because here’s the other thing. Em is going back up to college next month, and Bee and Ken will both be going to college here. They work together and they obviously hang out together. So really, the logical conclusion is that they’ll most likely hook it up again, if they even stopped in the first place.

I could go on about this forever, because even though I’ve been known to steal a few boyfriends in my day, I would never EVER do that to a friend. My friends are way too important to me to risk ending a friendship over a boy who I’m most likely not going to marry. It just isn’t done. The thing that makes me extra crazy about this situation is that I’m really protective of Em. She’s only 18, and it’s a really naïve 18. That’s not a bad thing at all, except for when it comes to letting people walk all over you. Life is too short to keep people in your life who don’t know or even care how to be a friend. There’s no reason to let manipulative bitches and weak-ass boys have a free pass to continue to do what they feel like doing with no respect for you or regard for your feelings. Em is too young to start this pattern of relationships with men who treat her badly and “friends” who will screw her over given the opportunity. This is a learning experience for her, and the thing about learning experiences is that you have to LEARN and then MOVE ON. That means leaving people who claim to love you and claim to respect you and care for you, but who are really just about what they want in the dust.

Mollie and I have talked until we’re blue in the face about this and how even though it’s a really difficult thing to end a relationship and to end a friendship, in the long run, it’s so much better for Em, because she needs to watch out for herself and to surround herself with people who actually DO love and respect and care for her and who show that by being loyal.

SO, commenters. Tell Em what you think. Should she forgive Bee and Ken and continue dating him and being best friends with her? Or should she kick them both to the curb? Mollie and I of course believe that a swift ass kicking straight to curbville is in order, but we also decided to put it to you guys as well.

Opine away…

What I could tell you

So yes. Back when I used to blog, I would tell you about stuff that went on in my life. So I’ve had a bunch of potential posts that I can’t seem to get out of my head and onto paper. They seem boring to me. I could talk about the art of making a mix cd – at least I consider it an art. Or maybe a process. Anyway. I started to write it and then I was like “wow, this isn’t even interesting to ME” and I stopped.

I could write about how I am still unemployed and I still love it and I never want to go back to work ever again. But that’s not a whole post, because I pretty much just told you exactly how I feel about that. And it was a short paragraph.

I could talk about how lately I’ve been really wanting a baby. Don’t worry, I’m not planning on getting pregnant, because the sensible side of me (yes, I actually DO possess a sensible side, believe it or not) is like “you must be CRAZY because you don’t have a husband or a job or a desire to be woken up when you’re not ready and also look at that pile of laundry you haven’t folded – you can’t take care of a baby!” And then I see my neighbors’ brand new tiny baby and I’m like “but I WANT one of those” and then my head explodes, thereby preventing any further thought about it. So no. No baby.

I could talk about how there was this guy at my church who was essentially homeless and pretty, well, overweight, and he smoked like a chimney and also didn’t shower very much. And how he recently moved to another town because he met someone and was moving in with her. Are you KIDDING ME with this? I don’t smoke and I take showers and I’m STILL SINGLE. If it wasn’t so ridiculous, I’d be really upset. Apparently, my “standards” are getting in the way of me finding a man. Although, being logical and all, there’d be no way in hell I’d be desperate enough to lower my standards that low. Yes, sometimes it sucks being single, but I’d rather be single than settle. It’s like a mantra I keep saying to myself. Or something.

Speaking of being single, I could definitely talk more about the subject of relationships, but I will not. There’s tons of material in my head about THAT, but I can’t really get it out right now. Or ever. Who knows.

I could tell you about how I sent in a request today for an application to get into the teacher licensure program here. I’ve been told that I’d be a great teacher, and so I’ll send in the application and hopefully qualify to get into the program.

I could tell you about how I’m housesitting at the hot tub house and this morning I was walking the dog out by the pond and it started to rain and it was so pretty and so quiet. I wished it would have kept going all day. And how the last couple of nights the lightning has been amazing and so I sit in the hot tub room and watch the sky light up.

I could tell you about the horrifying nightmares I’ve been having. Last night was the first time in a few days that I’ve actually slept all the way through the night without waking up scared or crying. Maybe those nightmares are the result of me not being able to express anything lately. My sleep and my blog are suffering, I tell you!

So that’s about it for now. Give some suggestions – what do you want to know? Hopefully I’ll get camp pics soon. But until then, I need inspiration. Therefore I’m leaving it to you. Don’t fail me. No pressure though. Just don’t fail me. Ha.

The thing about camp...

The thing about camp is that I never want to come home. Theoretically, that is. A week is plenty long to plan activities and games for 25 teenagers. It’s long enough to be away from home. It’s long enough to never really have time alone. On the other hand, how long is long enough to spend in a place so unbelievably gorgeous that every time I walked outside, I was amazed again at the beauty of it? How long is long enough to fall asleep to the river right below my window? How long is long enough to watch the sunset not only in the west, but then bouncing off the mountains to the east? How long is too long to stand by a warm campfire, and then later pick up your shirt and smell that campfire smell? How long is too long to lay shoulder to shoulder in the meadow and look up into a pitch black sky, unmarred by any sort of city lights, and see what has got to be every star in the sky? I just don’t think there’s a “too long” for any of those, especially the last one. My favorite thing is by far the stars. Phenomenal.

The thing about camp is that you can never explain WHY it was so awesome, you just know that it WAS so awesome. When people ask what I did, and I try to explain it, it doesn’t work. We played cards and hung out and did all kinds of contests and teamwork type activities. We stayed up late and got up early and for the first time, I finally understood the phrase “fell asleep when my head hit the pillow” because one night, I actually fell asleep before my head hit the pillow.

I could tell you about all of the laughing and how I don’t think I’ve laughed that much in a realllllllly long time. I could tell you what we were laughing about, but it totally doesn’t translate to words. You definitely had to be there. I could tell you about the giant bear that came into camp and how I totally could have been mauled by him twice, but you’d probably say I was exaggerating. Yes, I would be exaggerating a little. There WAS a giant bear and I potentially COULD have walked right into him one night had I not been too lazy to walk across the meadow to the lodge where he happened to be destroying the trash enclosure. And the second time was less of a close call – I HEARD him over in the trash again, and it scared me, and so I decided since it was 2 a.m. and I was outside alone, I might head on into bed. I stopped at the bathroom and when I came out I freaked out because ohmygod what if he’s right outside the door? He was not. Hey, it was dark, it was late, and I have an active imagination. It could have happened to anyone.

The thing about camp is that yeah, maybe I was pretty tired when all was said and done – but whatever, I can sleep when I’m home. I could have gone to bed earlier, I could have taken a nap during the day, but then I’d miss something fun. I’m alone at home all the time – one week of being around people all the time was totally fun. Planning activities for the kids was fun because they’d do whatever we wanted them to in the name of competition. Clearly I avoided the bear, so I’m all in one piece.

The thing about camp is that I got to spend a lot of time with people that I love. So yeah. It’s pretty, it’s fun, it’s everything you could possibly ask for, and it’s all made even better by the people you’re there with. We’ve got it all – hugs, kisses, laughter, tears, singing, dancing, yelling, silence, and most of all, the best friends ever. It might sound cheesy, but it’s true.

The thing about camp is that you had to be there to even begin to understand how awesome it is. Are you jealous? Because you totally should be.

Super fast update

So I didn’t have time to tell you all that I was out of town last week. I was on trip number 2 of 3 – to Grand Junction, CO. I was there with 7 of our jr. high girls, and let me just tell you – while they are sweet and adorable, they are SO.MUCH.WORK. Four of them were just out of sixth grade, therefore they haven’t spent a lot of time away from home and therefore I have to pay a lot of attention to what they’re doing and not doing. I’m pretty tired. I decided that when I have kids, I’m going to go on a trip right around the time they turn 10 and come back when they’re about 15.

Anyway. We went to a lot of urban sites around Grand Junction and helped out at places like Habitat for Humanity, the Salvation Army, the Catholic Outreach soup kitchen, a shelter for homeless families, an after school place for teens who need to be away from their families, and a nursing home, just to name a few. My favorite place by far was the nursing home. I volunteered in the Alzheimer’s unit for two days and had the best time ever. I love Alzheimer’s patients because they’re hilarious. I mean yes, I know it’s a really sad disease – my grandma had it for years and finally died of it in 2001 – but THEY don’t know it’s sad and so you might as well laugh about it or you’ll just end up being sad all the time. It was great. It made me think that maybe I could be an activities director for people with Alzheimer’s – I’m not so much on the nursing side of things, but the interacting with people side is totally my thing. Who knows.

So I’m home for the week and then I leave for camp in Montana on Saturday. I may try and write some more before then, but I have a ton to do this week. I’m going to Sally & Joe’s for the 4th tomorrow night and then Wednesday, Joe and Mandy and I are going to see Jason Mraz in concert. Thursday I pick up my friend Chris at the airport (he’s been teaching in Croatia all year) and we are hanging out at my house until we leave to be camp counselors up in Montana. My social calendar is clearly just chock full o’fun. Ha. Anyway, hope everyone is doing well and I’m sure I’ll have some great camp pictures when I get back!!