Ok, so this is a story about one of my girls. We’ll call her Em.
Em is a quiet and shy girl. She’s super smart and cute and she totally loves and values her friends. She looks for the best in people, especially her friends, which is where the trouble came about in this situation.
Em’s best friend is named Bee (as in “bee-otch” – but I’m not biased). I have never met Bee, but from everything Em has told me about her, she’s one of those girls who doesn’t know how to be a good friend. The reason I think this is that from the beginning, she’s ignored THE CODE. This is the code that says you never EVER try to steal a boy from a friend. You just don’t. But see, Bee just ignores that code and has tried since day one to sneakily steal the boy Em likes and has been dating – let’s call him Ken. Bee would constantly hang out with Em and Ken, which was fine in the beginning until Em got over her initial fear of dating Ken – he was her first boyfriend. But Bee would also say things to Em about how she thought Ken was so cute and she liked him and blah blah blah. What? You don’t tell your “best friend” that the guy she’s dating is hot and you want to go out with him. Anyway.
Recently, Em found out that Bee and Ken have been hooking up. Not just “oops, we accidentally drank too much and made out once” but “we hadn’t been drinking at all and it was on multiple occasions”. And it wasn’t just a kiss here and there. It wasn’t sex, but it was going in that direction big time. The way Em found out is that she asked Bee one day and Bee admitted it. She said she felt really guilty and all of that bullshit that people say when they don’t feel guilty at all about the act, they just feel guilty that they got caught.
Em is telling me this story and I’m like “so you’re no longer friends with her OR dating him, right?” And she’s like “I forgave them”. And I about lost my mind right there. She is still “best friends” with Bee and still dating Ken. She keeps telling me things like “they haven’t done it again”, which is when I point out that she doesn’t KNOW they haven’t done it again, and she says “Bee would tell me” and I was like “yes, because she was so honest and straightforward about it the FIRST few times.” We’ve gone in circles about this for a few weeks now, with me (and our other friend Mollie) telling Em that she has GOT to get rid of these two. Because here’s the other thing. Em is going back up to college next month, and Bee and Ken will both be going to college here. They work together and they obviously hang out together. So really, the logical conclusion is that they’ll most likely hook it up again, if they even stopped in the first place.
I could go on about this forever, because even though I’ve been known to steal a few boyfriends in my day, I would never EVER do that to a friend. My friends are way too important to me to risk ending a friendship over a boy who I’m most likely not going to marry. It just isn’t done. The thing that makes me extra crazy about this situation is that I’m really protective of Em. She’s only 18, and it’s a really naïve 18. That’s not a bad thing at all, except for when it comes to letting people walk all over you. Life is too short to keep people in your life who don’t know or even care how to be a friend. There’s no reason to let manipulative bitches and weak-ass boys have a free pass to continue to do what they feel like doing with no respect for you or regard for your feelings. Em is too young to start this pattern of relationships with men who treat her badly and “friends” who will screw her over given the opportunity. This is a learning experience for her, and the thing about learning experiences is that you have to LEARN and then MOVE ON. That means leaving people who claim to love you and claim to respect you and care for you, but who are really just about what they want in the dust.
Mollie and I have talked until we’re blue in the face about this and how even though it’s a really difficult thing to end a relationship and to end a friendship, in the long run, it’s so much better for Em, because she needs to watch out for herself and to surround herself with people who actually DO love and respect and care for her and who show that by being loyal.
SO, commenters. Tell Em what you think. Should she forgive Bee and Ken and continue dating him and being best friends with her? Or should she kick them both to the curb? Mollie and I of course believe that a swift ass kicking straight to curbville is in order, but we also decided to put it to you guys as well.