Monday, August 14, 2006

My Grand Social Experiment into the Lives of Perverts

So the other day, P.I.C. and I decided to conduct a little social experiment. Maybe a little eeeeee-vil social experiment.

I know most of you haven’t been living under a rock, therefore you know what CraigsList is. I’m not a huge fan – it’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just that I don’t spend a lot of time looking at it. However, it’s one of P.I.C.’s guilty pleasures, and so he’ll often send me the links to, um, interesting postings.

We were on the phone on Friday afternoon, and I was telling him about how, a couple days previously, I had posted a fake ad on “casual encounters” and how it was crazy how many responses I got. It wasn’t a dirty ad, I just posted more out of curiosity -- you know, to see how many responses I might get. I had gotten about 120 before it was flagged and removed (apparently not pervy enough? Who knows) so P.I.C. and I decided we might kick it up a notch and try again.

And so. We composed an ad that we hoped would generate some interesting responses. According to my CL posting, I’m a 26 year old lonely married girl looking for some “discreet, no-strings-attached” fun. Because (boo hoo) my husband just doesn’t pay enough attention to me, and hey, a girl has NEEDS. We then added the piece de resistance, the random nipple picture that we found through the magic of search engines.

The listing specified that I wanted to hook up on Friday afternoon, and that it would have to be at the home of the magical random who was going to satisfy me beyond my wildest dreams. And so pretty much as soon as it got posted, the emails started pouring in. To my fake email address, created for just this occasion.

If you’ve looked at CL “casual encounters” pretty much EVER, you might notice that there seems to be a predominance of pictures of, um, packages. So P.I.C. and I were thinking that a post from someone wanting no strings sex might generate a lot of package pictures. Nope. I got a lot of pictures, but most were actual face pictures. Don’t get me wrong, I did get package pics as well, and OF COURSE a lot of emails lauding their,ah, oral abilities and the fact that they have a six inch (but OF COURSE usually larger) pleasure stick, but face pictures were a twist I didn’t expect.

Anyway, I was going to post some of the best responses, but the sheer volume of emails I got prevents me from going back and finding the good ones, and of course I didn’t have the presence of mind when I got them to keep them for the amusement of you, the readers. But again, much to my surprise, a lot of the guys seem to be looking for someone to “get to know” and THEN hook up with. Which to me seems to defeat the purpose of both a “casual” encounter AND no-strings sex. But maybe I’m missing the logic here. Most of the emails were pretty basic, although some included detailed descriptions of what they’d like to do to the married girl. Dirty. And some included pics that were certainly not of them. I mean really. I watch "The Dead Zone" on USA. I know what Anthony Michael Hall looks like now. That picture? Is of him. And some? Well, some were so badly misspelled and featured such atrocious grammar that I was almost hoping that their skills in the bedroom were as good as they claimed, because it was clear they didn’t have much to fall back on.

As of this morning, I have received 232 responses (and, just FYI, I didn't actually respond to any of them. Because as you know, I'm not 26 or married or looking for no-strings sex or desperate enough to post for real in "casual encounters). There are apparently a LOT of men (and a few women and some couples) in the metro area looking for a hook-up with a 26-year-old lonely married girl. And who don’t seem to have a grasp of what “Friday afternoon fun” really means, since it’s now Monday morning and I’ve not only kept receiving emails all weekend, but I've gotten at least three more emails in the time it’s taken to write this post. Actually, I just now got one of a guy who is totally naked except for his shoes and socks. Why wouldn’t he take off his shoes and socks? That’s not sexy! That’s just lazy! Anyway.

I’ve noticed that for many of the people who answered the post that the fact that "I'm" married is like the biggest selling point. I’m not sure which is more unsettling – the fact that they get off on that, the fact that they’re actively looking for it, or the fact that a large number of respondents are also married. As it turns out, maybe not all the good ones are taken – they’re just secretly answering casual encounters posts on CL…

15 comments:

The Husband said...

thats an interesting experiment. i think the fact that you are "married" makes it even more risque.

either that or there are a bunch of weird people out there.

Edge said...

The dark and interesting world of the perv. How fun. Try the reverse as a man looking for same and see the response.

~Jef

Patrickulating said...

That fake husband of yours is a very lucky man.

Mr. Fabulous said...

I can't believe I answered a fake ad...

Hope said...

Dammit! I told my boyfriend to stop sending out that naked picture where he's only wearing socks and shoes! We're never going to find a married woman for our three-some now!

Spaceman Spiff said...

So you couldn't just watch the news or dateline to see that the world is over-run with perverts and cheaters? I guess this was more fun though. Very funny.

Antonio said...

I definitely agree with that last statement in principle. Not all of the good ones are taken, it's just that a bunch of people settled instead breaking up.

beckibee said...

Ew.

dasi said...

You crack me up. And your timing is perfect. My coworker and I were just perusing those ads and laughing at how brazen and ridiculous they are.

I can't BELIEVE all the responses you got!!!

Nicole said...

EWWWWWWWW! There are way too many sickos out there.

Jen said...

You're creative! I'm tempted to do that, but I don't want to get scared!

Heart Of Darkness said...

I love this type of experiments! Fun read, too.

Cheryl said...

Haha! That is so funny. yet, sadly true. Sometimes Craigslist is a bit scary when you think about it.

Dan said...

Never has my good grammar or proper diction been something on which I have been able to fall back. Nary a former girlfriend has said, "You suck in bed but spell well, so I'll keep ya." If only.

Jill said...

Great work! I'm so sorry I missed this post in real time, but it was just as amusing a few weeks later!