Monday, May 12, 2008

Stuff I could've written about

Oh, hello there! It’s been a while since we talked, but you know how things get. I’m busy doing mundane everyday things that don’t lend themselves to interesting blogs. The following are titles of entries I could’ve written the past couple of weeks:

“Snuggling and reading is usually a good way to help a 5 year old go to sleep”
“Please just go to sleep because I know that despite your assurances to the contrary, you are tired”
“Hey! Bedtime comes at the same time every night! Can we make it less like a pencil in the eye and more like a simple routine?”
“Have I mentioned how much I wish you would just go to sleep?”
“Mommy is in bed now and you should be too. No, I am not coming up there AGAIN”

Or maybe:
“Dear ex-wife: you are going to have to deal with me FOREVER so you should probably be nicer to Chris about it”
“Dear ex-wife: you left for 9 weeks and magically, everyone else’s lives also continued so it is too bad if you thought that everything would fall apart while you were gone and the opposite happened”
“Dear ex-wife: Stop SAYING you’re the parent and start ACTING like the parent”
“Dear ex-wife: being a total bitch all the time helps no one”
“Dear ex-wife: Of course you can bring the children over to our house for the week a day early. But perhaps not at midnight and perhaps next time you could also bring their necessities like school uniforms and contacts”
“Dear ex-wife: Seriously, get a grip. Also, you have no idea who you’re dealing with. I’m just biding my time before I let you know”
“Dear ex-wife’s new boyfriend: Eeek. Good luck you sorry son of a bitch”

Perhaps:
“I think I’d like to have more flowers and less rocks in our yard so let’s make that happen”
“Wow, there are more rocks here than I at first thought”
“Dear god, the rocks”
“I think the flower garden will be lovely and I am ready to start clearing rocks for the vegetable garden”
“I am afraid to look at the area we picked for the vegetable garden because I know there is a daunting amount of – wait for it – rocks out there”
“Does it seem like there are more rocks over there than there were yesterday?”
“Dear god, the rocks: Part II”

So yeah. That’s about the extent of it. See all the potentially FASCINATING reading you could have had?

7 comments:

Edge said...

Ya I have some similar feeling about my wife's ex husbands new wife. Man that's confusing. I keep thinking, "Um I bet your name will never go on a birth certificate." Sounds like Chris' wife doesn't want to be a mom anymore. Maybe you can get her to give up her rights. Or take some rocks.

What's going in your vege garden?

~Jef

JMC said...

We have a similar rock problem. And my ex is an ass. Thank God he lives 700 miles away.

Alice said...

i thank my lucky, lucky, fucking lucky stars all the time that i wasn't unfortunate enough to procreate with any number of my exes, so that i NEVER HAVE TO TALK TO THEM AGAIN.

-J said...

I feel so incredibly lucky.

Mr. Fabulous said...

I would have read them all. Especially the rock saga!

Cheryl said...

Is it wrong that I laugh? I would have liked to read those, but I love that you conveyed it all right here. Good luck with the rocks. And city dweller that I am I will pull an "at least you have a yard" on you.

Marissa said...

this ex wife sure is a piece of work. i definitely want to read more on that! :-)