Hey motherf***er! Get laid! Get f***ed!!

Ha! I’ll bet THAT caught your attention, especially since most of my posts lately have been about you know, church-related stuff. However, as you may or may not know by now, I can’t be appropriate ALL the time!

So the title refers to the fact that I went to the Billy Idol concert the other night. Yeah, you heard me – Billy. Idol.

Karen heard that he was coming to town and she mentioned it to me, and I was like “that would be cool” and then the next day I got a message from her saying that she had bought tickets and I was going. Ok then. I was excited, because I don’t always have a chance to wear a lot of extraneous black eyeliner and really, what better event to do so than a Billy Idol concert? There isn’t one, especially when you’re 30 and it’s not Halloween.

The other exciting part of this was that I knew there would be some Billy Idol superfans there who had totally seen him back in the 80s. And chances were, they’d probably be wearing similar outfits from when they saw him back then, and I do love to mock people’s outfits! What? I mean, I love to see people who are die hard fans of a musical icon. I wasn't disappointed. Lots of big hair on old ladies. Good times.

So Karen and I and her husband John and his work buddy Chris headed to the concert. After a few margaritas, because that’s how we roll. We got there and because it was like 90 degrees outside, inside the concert it was 6, maybe 700 degrees. Pleasant. You know, if you like to sweat profusely at all times. The boys went to buy beer and so Karen and I were trying to find a place to stand. We were walking to this aisle, and this guy let us cut in front of him, and so I was like “sorry about that” and he’s like “don’t apologize – what do you have to be sorry about?” And so I said “well, we totally just cut you off”, and so he says “well if you’re that sorry, why don’t you kiss me?” Uh, what? And so I said “Yeah. I’m only sorta sorry”. Luckily he laughed and didn't push for the kissing. Blech. Anyway.

Billy played a couple of new songs, but he also played most of his old stuff. White Wedding. Rebel Yell. Dancing with Myself. The most awesome version of Eyes Without a Face EVER. Which I love, because it totally reminds me of when I was little. And of course, Mony Mony, which is what the title of this post refers to, because apparently that’s what you yell as loud as possible. Like this: “Here she comes now, singin’ mony mony” then: “Hey motherf***er get laid, get f***ed!!” Now you know what to do if you ever find yourself at a Billy Idol concert. It’s clearly a very family-friendly show.

The man is 51. And he looks GOOD. Like he took off his shirt (of course he did) and he has this nice toned chest and it was all smooth and sweaty and his arms look all muscle-y and hot and I asked Karen if it was wrong that I thought he looked so smokin’ and luckily she said no because she thought so too, not that I would have cared because I also have sort of a crush on Tommy Lee, but really that’s neither here nor there. The one disappointment was that his hair wasn’t platinum. But it was just a small disappointment. And also he didn’t play Cradle of Love, which was also a little sad, but I got over it.

One of the best parts was that for once in the recent past, we weren’t the oldest people at the concert. By far. John and Chris were on another beer run and of course while they were gone, this weird drunk old guy comes and stands next to Karen and directly in front of me, and he keeps edging closer to her while also completely smushing me back into the railing behind me. Finally John and Chris came back, and I pulled Chris over and pointed out the Space Invader, and he laughed until the guy started crowding him. Chris kinda pushed him forward in a fakely jovial way, but the guy totally ignored him as he kept “dancing” closer to Karen. Now. Back in the younger days, Chris would have probably decked the guy when he didn’t get the first hint. Because he and John are not small guys. But instead he’s like “watch this” and he says something to John and John looks over and then he pushes past the guy and when the guy looks at him like “dude, I was here first”, John is like “hey buddy – I just wanted to come stand by my wife” and he kisses Karen, so Chris and I are totally laughing. The drunk guy played it off for about two seconds and then he left. Way suave.

So yeah. We had a great time. And because we’re mature adults, we listened to (and sang) Eminem’s “Shake That” at extremely high volume most of the way home. We may be 30 chronologically, but there’s just some ways in which we patently refuse to grow up. And also? We’re total rockstars – just ask Billy Idol. He knows from rockstars, you know.