Saturday, September 30, 2006

The Reason

I’m a firm believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason. What the reason is sometimes isn’t apparent until later, but lately I’ve been thinking about how some of the stuff I’ve gone through in my life has helped me understand people better today.

For example, the last post I wrote about being totally depressed and how miserable my life was for that whole month. At about the same time, one of my youth group girls was going through a really hard time – she had gone away to college and was having a really hard time adjusting, and ended up being really depressed and needing to go to therapy and get medication and all that. I’ve said before that depression is a hard thing for people who’ve never experienced it to understand – and it is. So one day when I was feeling really sad, I was talking to my mom, and she said told me that even though what I was going through was really hard, maybe the reason why was so that I could understand my girl better and know how to help her, because her family didn’t understand. Plus, they’re bizarre. Anyway.

Thinking about it that way made it better. Yes, it sucked that I felt so awful. But that I could be helpful and understanding and supportive of my girl made it so that at least it wasn’t just for nothing. That may not be the best way to put it, but you get it.

Now I’ve got another girl going through a hard time, and I can be there for her and help her to understand what she needs to do and that it’s ok to feel bad. There’s no shame in getting help and in fact, not getting help is a horrible mistake. She’s recently been dealing with a psycho boy at her high school – it’s snowballed out of control into harassment and police involvement, and the thing about that is, I totally understand that too. When I was a freshman, there was this horrible sophomore girl who thought I was trying to steal her boyfriend and she made my life miserable the entire year. No police were ever involved, but my mom was, which if you know my mom and how protective she is of us, it’s almost kinda worse than the police.

Not to overthink it, but sometimes I think I’ve been preparing my entire life to be able to understand these kids and all the stuff they have to deal with that maybe their parents can’t understand. And if that’s the reason I’ve had to have some hard times and heartbreak, well, I’m totally ok with that.


Cheryl said...

It definitely makes sense to me, and I think you're right. Relating to and helping these kids is definitely something you're meant to do, and you're being given the tools to do so. I think that it's a great way for you to look at it; it helps you and them at the same time.

Mr. Fabulous said...

What an awesome outlook to have on some of the struggles you have had in the past. I love the fact that you are turning those dark times into an instrument to help others.

Damn, could you be any more fabulous? :)

Miladysa said...

Yep, every cloud has a silver lining - you just have to look for it sometimes!

Janet said...

This is a fabulous attitude and will help you deal with whatever you are going through better. Empathy is the best sympathy. Anyway.

My mom went through a good deal of depression. I think that she still has bouts of it, though she tries to keep it from me. I've been worried that genetics may kick in now that I've left everything, but so har I've been happy and busy. Should I look outside the window one day and only see ugliness, I'll think of this post.

Woodrow said...

You're a really good person.

Marissa said...

I could not agree more. You aren't overthinking it -- that IS the purpose (or part of it) that you've underwent certain experiences in your life. to be able to empathize and help these kids (and others) when they need it. life is all about learning and, in my opinion, understanding and empathazing with others. Whenever I go through something bad, I try to find the positive in it. how it will help me grow, or how it will help me better relate to, and perhaps help, others. This is awesome, Amber!

Marissa said...

Amber -- thank you so much! Really. I want everyone who is leaving me comments to know just how much it means to me. That stuff totally hurt to read, but you know, these people are wasting precious minutes of THEIR lives trash-talking others. how sad, right? Anyway, the best we can do is laugh and move on and continue to treat others in a manner of respect. After all, what goes around REALLY does come around eventually -- I know it. There's a great quote that goes "How others treat me is their path; how I react is mine." Works for me. :) Thank you so much!!

Antonio said...

Yeah, I definitely agree with this post. Every struggle we go through is another learning experience and it's our responsibility to pass on our wisdom to others. Kudos for helping out those other girls.

BTW, I read your post about being harrassed freshman year. Funny stuff. Leave it to Mom to lay the smackdown!