Thursday, October 19, 2006

You might be my type

Ok, so I’ve half-jokingly discussed what my type is, but let’s half-seriously talk about it now.

When I say that I like the emotionally unavailable or attract the newly-divorceds, it’s because I like to help people, to make them feel better. It’s true, I am a good listener. I’m everyone’s shoulder to cry on, and I like that. I like to take care of the people I care about – if you are sad, I’m your girl. I’m also a really great secret keeper. I used to suck, because I had this compulsion to tell everyone everything I knew. It was like Tourette’s, only with more secrets and less swearing. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started being a lot better about not airing my (and more importantly, other people’s) dirty laundry. Anyway. So yes. I am here to take good care of you. Example: when we were not dating, I was everything Not Boyfriend needed. He was everything I wanted. Clearly a large obstacle there, but as it turns out, we made it through the ups and downs and now? I still talk to him all the time. I’m the one he calls with his funny stories and when he’s bummed out or missing home, because he knows I’m the one who totally gets him. Mission accomplished. Maybe not the mission I orginally thought I was embarking on, but the situation has yielded more good than bad. Always a plus, don't you think?

But that’s not what we’re talking about here. We’re talking about my type. I also tend (sometimes unconsciously) to choose boys who I know are either geographically or emotionally unavailable, because that’s safety for me. That way, I retain my independence and don’t have to look commitment in the eye. Because even though I WANT to be with someone so badly, having it actually happen is scary as hell for me. I’d like to think I’m getting better at it, because at least recently, I’ve learned to spell “commitment” correctly. I know that sounds stupid, but for the girl who can spell anything? I could not spell that word for the life of me. Beth calls me “the Freudian speller.” Ha.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t specifically choose who I like by whether or not they live close to me, or whether there’s a good possibility that nothing will come of the relationship because I’m just their rebound girl. But in the interest of time, here’s the basics of what I actually look for in a guy:

Funny, which I don't really need to explain
Smart -- and this doesn't necessarily mean someone highly educated, just someone who is intelligent
A good conversationalist – there has to always be something to talk about without it being boring or worse, a struggle
Willing to answer my myriad of questions about them
Also interested in knowing about me, not just superficially
Affectionate, because I am
Kind – not just a nice guy, but a truly kind person
Is big on family -- his own and the one we might possibly have together
Can hang with the people from each completely different aspects of my life
Likes kids and animals, because let’s face it, that’s a giant part of my life

As far as looks go, I like a hot guy just as much as the next girl, but if you have the above qualities, there’s a good chance I’m going to be attracted to you. If you also have dark curly hair, nice teeth and pretty eyes, well, please marry me. Um, but you're going to have to move to Colorado first, ok?

15 comments:

Dan said...

Well, to start with... I'm sad...

dasi said...

You'll find him - I'm sure of it. And when you do, let me know if he has an older brother who happens to live in Illinois... ;)

Sandra Dee said...

I'm not interested in looks either. The qualities I'm looking for are much more important, and they make someone attractive to me. Is that weird?

Mr. Fabulous said...

I will start sending candidates your way :)

Linda said...

ha ha - you talk about Freudian spelling - I'm Freudian READING!!! Because I totally read "I like a hot guy just as much as the next girl" to mean perhaps that you were expanding your options...not that I like you like that, though...

The Husband said...

what if you meet mr. perfect but he lives in another state. would you move for the sake of love?

-J said...

Maybe you could just be the mistress.

Spaceman Spiff said...

I have a buddy from Colorado that fits most of those qualities. He's a little short on the intelligent scale, but acceptable. Not much of a conversationalist, but he has a really deep masculine voice. 32 yrs old, 6'5", about 220, former rugby player. I haven't spoken with him in a couple of years, so I don't know if he would be on the rebound or even available, but I could take a shot for you. Oh, he may have grown up a little, but he was a little insensitive back in the day. . . . but then again so was I.

Edge said...

Well, I'm married, but I fit all those categories, even the "Hot Guy" part!

You know, it's good you know these things. Better that you can avoid them.

I think, and this is well documented by Neil Clark Warren, that those who are most like you in your growing up experience, are best suited to you.

And my thought is when you stop looking and start enjoying EVERYTHING about your life, guys get attracted to you because of the confidence you exude.

~Jef

Amanda said...

i back you up on this...you're totally preaching to the choir.

xo

Marissa said...

so weird, amber. i feel like i'm reading ME! i am also the caretaker so i attract needy, insecure, issue-laden boys who need coddling and therapy. and yes, i provide them with both! and then i am attracted to guys who i know i'll never end up with because it provides me safety/security/an out/a means to retain my indpendence. hmm. maybe i'm the issue-laden one??

-J said...

Marissa,

It sounds like mutual issues - one enabling the other. Almost like one is dependent upon the other ... codependent.

Cheryl said...

Always good to know what you want. And plus, we all have issues...

Jill said...

I've got that nurturing streak as well. It's hyper-developed; I nurture men that I'm not even dating.

3105 said...

I am quite sure I fit all of the necessary qualities, except for the curly hair of course.

Amber, You are an amazing person...