Dispatch from Babyville

No, I’m not talking about actual babies, I’m talking about the fact that I’m a big baby.

I have a confession to make – I can’t watch scary movies. I mean, I can, but only if I want to have nightmares and not sleep at all. I love “The Sixth Sense”, but since I live alone, I can no longer watch it. I tried, and I had to turn it off. I can watch CSI with no problems – doesn’t bother me at all. But I can’t really watch CSI: Miami. When it first came on, I was all excited, because who doesn’t love an extra night of CSI every week. But then I started having horrible nightmares about burned up bodies and horrible death every Monday night, so I stopped watching. I probably would have anyway, because I can’t stand Horatio Caine and the incessant taking off and putting back on of the sunglasses. And the fact that every damn case is personal for him. And that -- wait. What was I talking about?

Oh yes. The issue I have with an overactive imagination added to living alone equaling my fear of the scary movies. Let’s try to keep me on track here, shall we?

P.I.C decided the other night that he wanted to watch scary movies in honor of Halloween. I agreed, because I’m an idiot. I mean, I’m a good friend. And it sounded fun – we were going to watch some bad, old scary movies. Plus, I figured if I drank enough, I wouldn’t remember the scary parts. So see, I had some theories I was hoping would work. The problem was, I was housesitting in a really big house, which I had to go home to – ALONE – and so I couldn’t drink enough to make me unable to drive home. Maybe my theory was flawed.

We started off with “Evil Dead”, which initially was great. The scariest parts were the “hero’s” monobrow, the horrible dialogue, and pretty much the plot in general. Then it was kind of funny when one of the stupid chicks got assaulted by the forest. But then she turned into a zombie demon thing, and that still wasn’t bad, because the makeup was also really lame. But then this other girl turned into a zombie demon thing and the makeup was still really bad but also scary and clearly when she was getting chopped up, it was a dummy, but the makeup was still freaking me out. Finally, I couldn’t stare at the bubbles in my champagne glass anymore in avoidance of looking at the t.v., and so I whimpered to P.I.C. about how I was scared and could we watch something else? So we watched “The Devil’s Rejects” instead. It was not scary. There was a lot of shooting and blood and swearing, which I’m totally ok with. That, coupled with the totally predictable dialogue made it ok for me to watch. Until I fell asleep. See, clearly I wasn’t that traumatized by it. And I didn’t have any nightmares.

The moral of the story is, I will perhaps watch a scary movie again. As long as I have someone to watch it with, who will then sleep over. For at least a week. Just kidding. Ok, no. Not kidding. I’m a baby – have we not established that yet?