Dispatch from Babyville

No, I’m not talking about actual babies, I’m talking about the fact that I’m a big baby.

I have a confession to make – I can’t watch scary movies. I mean, I can, but only if I want to have nightmares and not sleep at all. I love “The Sixth Sense”, but since I live alone, I can no longer watch it. I tried, and I had to turn it off. I can watch CSI with no problems – doesn’t bother me at all. But I can’t really watch CSI: Miami. When it first came on, I was all excited, because who doesn’t love an extra night of CSI every week. But then I started having horrible nightmares about burned up bodies and horrible death every Monday night, so I stopped watching. I probably would have anyway, because I can’t stand Horatio Caine and the incessant taking off and putting back on of the sunglasses. And the fact that every damn case is personal for him. And that -- wait. What was I talking about?

Oh yes. The issue I have with an overactive imagination added to living alone equaling my fear of the scary movies. Let’s try to keep me on track here, shall we?

P.I.C decided the other night that he wanted to watch scary movies in honor of Halloween. I agreed, because I’m an idiot. I mean, I’m a good friend. And it sounded fun – we were going to watch some bad, old scary movies. Plus, I figured if I drank enough, I wouldn’t remember the scary parts. So see, I had some theories I was hoping would work. The problem was, I was housesitting in a really big house, which I had to go home to – ALONE – and so I couldn’t drink enough to make me unable to drive home. Maybe my theory was flawed.

We started off with “Evil Dead”, which initially was great. The scariest parts were the “hero’s” monobrow, the horrible dialogue, and pretty much the plot in general. Then it was kind of funny when one of the stupid chicks got assaulted by the forest. But then she turned into a zombie demon thing, and that still wasn’t bad, because the makeup was also really lame. But then this other girl turned into a zombie demon thing and the makeup was still really bad but also scary and clearly when she was getting chopped up, it was a dummy, but the makeup was still freaking me out. Finally, I couldn’t stare at the bubbles in my champagne glass anymore in avoidance of looking at the t.v., and so I whimpered to P.I.C. about how I was scared and could we watch something else? So we watched “The Devil’s Rejects” instead. It was not scary. There was a lot of shooting and blood and swearing, which I’m totally ok with. That, coupled with the totally predictable dialogue made it ok for me to watch. Until I fell asleep. See, clearly I wasn’t that traumatized by it. And I didn’t have any nightmares.

The moral of the story is, I will perhaps watch a scary movie again. As long as I have someone to watch it with, who will then sleep over. For at least a week. Just kidding. Ok, no. Not kidding. I’m a baby – have we not established that yet?

Most expensive lunch ever

Mandy and I were the designated food runners the other day, and we ordered a bunch of stuff from Sonic. Our total?

“That’ll be 25 million and 21 cents.”

Mandy and I laughed until we were crying. We’d stop and then one of us would start again and we could barely contain ourselves when the guy came out to bring our food. The topper? His name was Timmy. We still can’t decide if he was fucking with us or if he really isn’t so good at the maths. Either way, it totally made our day. We’re going to be laughing at this for at least, oh, 25 million and 21 days.

You might be my type

Ok, so I’ve half-jokingly discussed what my type is, but let’s half-seriously talk about it now.

When I say that I like the emotionally unavailable or attract the newly-divorceds, it’s because I like to help people, to make them feel better. It’s true, I am a good listener. I’m everyone’s shoulder to cry on, and I like that. I like to take care of the people I care about – if you are sad, I’m your girl. I’m also a really great secret keeper. I used to suck, because I had this compulsion to tell everyone everything I knew. It was like Tourette’s, only with more secrets and less swearing. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started being a lot better about not airing my (and more importantly, other people’s) dirty laundry. Anyway. So yes. I am here to take good care of you. Example: when we were not dating, I was everything Not Boyfriend needed. He was everything I wanted. Clearly a large obstacle there, but as it turns out, we made it through the ups and downs and now? I still talk to him all the time. I’m the one he calls with his funny stories and when he’s bummed out or missing home, because he knows I’m the one who totally gets him. Mission accomplished. Maybe not the mission I orginally thought I was embarking on, but the situation has yielded more good than bad. Always a plus, don't you think?

But that’s not what we’re talking about here. We’re talking about my type. I also tend (sometimes unconsciously) to choose boys who I know are either geographically or emotionally unavailable, because that’s safety for me. That way, I retain my independence and don’t have to look commitment in the eye. Because even though I WANT to be with someone so badly, having it actually happen is scary as hell for me. I’d like to think I’m getting better at it, because at least recently, I’ve learned to spell “commitment” correctly. I know that sounds stupid, but for the girl who can spell anything? I could not spell that word for the life of me. Beth calls me “the Freudian speller.” Ha.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t specifically choose who I like by whether or not they live close to me, or whether there’s a good possibility that nothing will come of the relationship because I’m just their rebound girl. But in the interest of time, here’s the basics of what I actually look for in a guy:

Funny, which I don't really need to explain
Smart -- and this doesn't necessarily mean someone highly educated, just someone who is intelligent
A good conversationalist – there has to always be something to talk about without it being boring or worse, a struggle
Willing to answer my myriad of questions about them
Also interested in knowing about me, not just superficially
Affectionate, because I am
Kind – not just a nice guy, but a truly kind person

Is big on family -- his own and the one we might possibly have together
Can hang with the people from each completely different aspects of my life
Likes kids and animals, because let’s face it, that’s a giant part of my life

As far as looks go, I like a hot guy just as much as the next girl, but if you have the above qualities, there’s a good chance I’m going to be attracted to you. If you also have dark curly hair, nice teeth and pretty eyes, well, please marry me. Um, but you're going to have to move to Colorado first, ok?

If I ever lose my faith in you

I'm losing my faith in people at a rapid pace.

Assorted words

So I wrote this last weekend, but posted other stuff this week instead, so that's why some of the items have updates. Yes, I am a dork.

I went to one of my girls’ homecoming games Saturday to see her perform with the Poms. She was great, but I gotta tell you – again with the Color Guard. I was there with another one of my girls and we could NOT stop laughing. They had on white t-shirts and denim shorts and – wait for it – black tennis shoes with no socks. For the love of all that’s holy, BLACK TENNIS SHOES? I mean the whole outfit is bad, but come on. And there was one girl who had on super short shorts that were riding up in the middle. Really. Bad. She was, um, stocky, as many of the girls on the team are, and it was cellulite-tastic. I just wonder if these girls look in the mirror and are like “It’s the biggest game of the year and DAMN! I look GOOD!” Sigh. I just don’t understand. I also don't get how their parents let them leave the house in stuff like that. And unfortunately for the team, the outfits were not redeemed by their skill. At all.

And so ends the totally judgemental portion of this entry. Hey, I can't be all introspective and philosophical all the time, right?

Wait, wait. I have one more judgy thing to say. I'm supposed to sing at a wedding for some people at my church and the other day they asked me if I could sing "You Light Up My Life." Shit. I think the better question here wouldn't be if I COULD (because I definitely have the skill) but rather if I WOULD. To which I say "oh hell no." So I'm really trying to steer them toward something not awful. Wish me luck. *UPDATE* They chose this equally as heinous, yet unknown-to-me song, and since they only gave me two weeks to learn it, I told them I couldn't. I probably COULD have, but I just didn't WANT to. They were getting more and more irritating -- I'm doing you a favor and you're being exceedingly difficult and rude. I'm a horrible person for writing this. Anyway, they had someone else they could ask, so it all worked out. Thanks. God.

I'm trying to write more, but I'm working all the time. I worked 50 hours this past week, and almost 12 hours Friday. I'm so busy at work that I rarely have time to go on the internet and I'm pretty worded out when I get home.P.I.C. says he barely knows me anymore, what with the "working" and the "getting up early".

Speaking of P.I.C, I was looking through my cedar chest o'memories the other day, and I found my diary from 2nd grade. The very first entry says "Dear Diary: Today P.I.C. said "you won't like your new baby. They're pests!" And I said "shut up stupid!" Ha. It was from when my mom was pregnant with my brother. There was another one where he said something I apparently didn't like and I came up with another equally snappy comeback. When I told him about it, he's like "Wow. I knew how to push your buttons even back then." He's so right. And the button pushing continues, even 22 years later! He has this love of the Ying Yang Twins (ok, we both do) and so most of the time when I answer my phone and it's him, I am treated to him whispering "The Whisper Song." How, HOW did I get so lucky? Although, I will grudgingly admit that I kind of love his sense of humor (that's me whispering. ha). And when he reads this, I will never live it down. Aren't we cute at his parents' house on Memorial Day though?

My boy Dane is off at college in Kansas and he's really homesick. I talked to him on the phone Sunday, and he's like "will you send me a care package?" I asked him what he wanted in it, and he said "food". And so of course I'm going to send him one. I put it together yesterday -- it's totally college and not at all healthy, and actually contains many items that we eat on mission trips: two bags of Chex Mix, one bag of mini powdered donuts, two bags of sunflower seeds (original and ranch), two cans of Pringles, like 15 mini bags of cookies, gum, three packages of ramen, peanut butter crackers, a "family sized" bag of Twizzlers, and dried apples. Oh and I also threw in the Sports Illustrated NFL Preview, a mix CD, and a picture of us from the summer. He loves me already, but he's going to LOVE me after he gets this package. You boys are so easy to please -- with food.

Anyway. That's about it. I have to go clean my house because I never feel like cleaning it when I get home late and I have a tendency to take off my clothes and leave them wherever I happened to be when I took them off. And so yeah. When I say I'm going to go clean the house, what I mean is "I'm going to go take a nap". Because I love naps, I work hard during the week, and dammit, that's just how I roll. *UPDATE* After I wrote this, I actually DID clean my house -- it finally looks less like a hurricane of clothing hit it and more like an actual home. NOW I'm going to go take a nap. Because I had a rough day of getting my hair colored and I have to get some rest before NOT going out tonight. You know you wish your life was like mine.

Musicology

I think of this a lot, but man. I would not want to live in a world where I couldn't hear music. Blind or deaf? I'd choose blind every time. Music is so unbelievably affecting -- it makes me happy, makes me cry, makes me able to articulate thoughts that I couldn't put into words. It calls up memories -- and there's nothing like the unexpected pang you feel when you hear a song you haven't heard forever and a memory comes rushing back. I love musicians. If you play an instrument, it's a good bet I'll get all swoony over you. I admire that talent, because I don't have it. Sigh. Anyway, I thought I'd share some of my latest playlist. Because I can.

Only You – Yaz – Yes, I realize that this album came out in 1982, but damn, this is such a great song. For some reason it reminds me of jr. high…and I love it. All I needed was the love you gave, all I needed for another day, and all I ever knew, only you…

Afterglow – INXS – This is the NEW INXS, featuring J.D. from the first season of Rockstar. Which I didn’t watch, but his voice is amazing on this. I can’t stop listening to it. This song is unbelievably sexy. UNBELIEVABLY. In between the longing to hold you again, I'm caught in your shadow, I'm losing control, my mind drifts away…

Into the Ocean – Blue October – I don’t know why I like this guy’s voice so much, but I do. I thought of just your face, Relaxed, and floated into space, I want to swim away but don't know how, Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean, Let the waves up take me down, Let the hurricane set in motion, Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down…

Run – Snow Patrol – I was making a mix, and I figured “Chasing Cars” was getting overplayed, so I chose this one. Light up, light up, as if you have a choice, even if you cannot hear my voiceI'll be right beside you dear…

Dark Blue – Jack’s Mannequin – I love the night – the sky, the stars, the quiet. I have some nights that were a perfect shade of dark blue. Dark blue, dark blue, have you ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm here with you, I said the world could be burning 'til there's nothing but dark blue..

Such Great Heights – Postal Service – Love this. Love the lyrics, the melody, all of it. It’s something I would totally write if I were any good at writing songs. Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you're away, when I am missing you to death, when you are out there on the road for several weeks of shows and when you scan the radio, I hope this song will guide you home…

I also currently love “I Write Sins, Not Tragedies” and “It Ends Tonight”. And speaking of the All American Rejects, I also LOVE this song: I'll keep you my dirty little secret (dirty little secret), don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret (just another regret, hope that you can keep it), my dirty little secret, who has to know…

Because everyone needs a dirty little secret…or two…