...the most famous of which is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia", but only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line."
Ah, The Princess Bride -- chock full of wise words. And while I avoided the land war in Asia and going against a Sicilian when death was on the line, well, apparently there are more classic blunders for me to fall victim to. Observe.
I decided I’d fill you in on my next California “adventure.” It involves the hotel bar, an annoying and desperate guy, me, and classic blunders. Here’s how it went: Saturday night, I was bored of being in my room, and so I decided to go downstairs to the bar, have a drink and maybe get some dinner. Classic blunder number one: Never go to the hotel bar alone. In fact, always stay away from hotel bars. I should know this, I worked in a hotel for 4 years.
Is it so much to ask that a person goes to a bar for a drink and men just leave them alone? Apparently, yes, it is. I did the quick look around at the other two guys sitting at the bar (and there were groups all around as well – it was fairly busy) and I pegged one of them as checking me out and so I didn’t make eye contact. That is also not a deterrent. Because I was not very far into my glass of wine when I noticed that checking me out guy had left, so I was like “awesome.” But then pretty soon, he was back. And talking to me. And to make a long story short, essentially looking to first, date me, second, move to Colorado to be with me, and finally, marry me. You may be asking yourself, “Self, is Amber overstating the case?” and to that I will say, NO. I am, unfortunately, not overstating it. He was all wanting to call my mom and tell her how wonderful I am (and I’m like “um, I left my cell phone mrkxmrkble.”) I had a ring on my left hand, and he asked in a not suave way about my husband, and then I committed classic blunder number two: I said I wasn’t married. I can’t believe it. How stupid was that? I have GOT to work on my offense. Then he’s like “do you want to go somewhere else besides this bar, like on a date?” And I’m like “Uh, no, I’m fine here.” Because as anyone who reads or watches t.v. (or went to kindergarten, for that matter) knows, you NEVER go anywhere with strangers. I do not want to be the subject of a Lifetime television movie called “Stranger Danger” in which I am portrayed by Charlize Theron. Or maybe Reese Witherspoon.
Anyway, he wouldn’t leave the date thing alone, and it started to get annoying, especially when he’s trying to make plans to see me again before I go home. What! Ever! And he was pushy about getting my number, and so I gave it to him. I know, I know, classic blunder number three: I’ve clearly been out of the game long enough not to remember fake number FAKE NUMBER!! So he called Sunday, but as you may have already guessed, I will not be answering his calls, calling him back, or even listening to his messages. Was he ugly? No. Was he hot? No. Did he have the unmistakable aura of “my friends are all married and I’m not and I’m looking for someone ANYONE who might want to change my status so I’m not the only single one anymore?” Most definitely. Did I throw away his business card? Pretty much. I “accidentally” left it in my hotel room.
I blame my new glasses. I guess they make me irresistible (though Joe says that they make me look like a naughty librarian, so maybe that’s the problem). Annoying Guy commented on the glasses. I love my new glasses, but that in itself makes me never want to wear them again! And he also made unspoken comments about my chest when I repeatedly caught him looking at it. In hindsight, I should have told him to take a hike or buzz off or some other equally arcane saying that would have imparted to him how much I just wanted to be left alone, but I didn’t, so it’s my own fault. Yup, classic blunder number four: being nice when it’s not really warranted anymore.
Anyway, we’ll see how it turns out. Will he get the point and never call again? I was hoping for that, however, he called today and I of course, did not answer it. I actually listened to the message which was something like “well, I haven’t heard from you and so I’ll wait another week and then let it go because I don’t want to stay at a party that I wasn’t invited to” or something equally lame. It was also done in the fake “I’m such a nice guy and you’re totally losing out by not dating me” tone. You know what? That’s a risk I’m willing to take.