The great thing about growing up reading all the time and being in spelling bees and developing a love for words is that I had an awesome mentor along the way – my dad. Like Yoda to my Luke (only with more big words and less backward grammar), I learned how to play Scrabble with the master. We’ve been playing for years – sometimes we’d play for an entire Saturday afternoon – and it took me until my 20s to beat him on a semi-regular basis. It was like my crowning moment. There was a lot of dancing around and gloating, but hey – I learned the art of winning from him as well.
But sometimes even the wordiest of nerds can get frustrated with the lack of decent letters necessary to spell high-scoring words. Enter Phonetic Scrabble. It’s exactly what the name says it is – you spell the words the way they sound. The only rule is that you have to use the word in a sentence. Also, you probably shouldn’t play with people who are obsessed with political correctness, because to use most of the words in a sentence, you have to use an accent or a speech impediment of some sort.
So last night, The Bad Cop and I decided to play Scrabble, but it was kind of late when we made that decision, so we decided to play Phonetic. It’s faster because you’re not governed by that pesky “actual words” rule, and also if you’re really creative, it’s possible to use all your letters every turn.
I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. I would start laughing to myself before I even put my words down. Not even so much about the actual word, but the accent I was going to use. Seriously. Half the fun is using the word in a sentence. Actually, no, that’s MOST of the fun. The accents kill me.
I wish I would have kept the board intact when we were done, because I can’t remember all the words. However, I do remember some.
“I had to put the sadoe on my horse before I rode him.”
“So I says to her, I says ‘Marvel, we need to replace this wood panou on the wall.’”
“And then I got in ma car and I drove to Dukatr…”
“…Unfortunately I rolled ma car and ended up in a guly.”
“I like to do arts and & crafbts (the b is silent).”
“Oh my god! A midjet!”
“Look! It’s a smidjet! If you pile a bunch of them on top of each other you have a regular sized midjet!” (I warned you about the political correctness – also you say “smidjet” with an English accent. No, I don’t know why. Yes, you have to.)
“That senator veeteaux everything.”
“Watch out for the rear faqshion!”
And finally, when The Bad Cop was left with a few too many gs: “Hey man! You’re my daagg…g!”
You like how I bolded the words, as if you wouldn't have figured them out otherwise?
Ahem. So. Next time you find yourself with a word nerd, a Scrabble board and short attention span? Phonetic Scrabble. Fun times guaranteed. Or you could make up new lyrics to well-known songs involving what you’re eating at that moment. Or both. We did both.