So I can’t remember if I told you this when I got my new job, but I’m a contractor. This is great in many ways, because my schedule is really flexible and when I work lots of hours, I get paid for lots of hours, instead of a flat salary. This is bad, because if there’s nothing for me to do, I don’t get paid and also I don’t get benefits. The worst part is that I’m easily expendable.
On Monday, the big boss of the office got the boot and was replaced by another guy in our office. So this week has been sort of interesting as people start to adjust and all that. The question is, will the new boss get rid of people who are expendable? You know, like me?
At first I wasn’t that concerned, because I heard that they were still lobbying to not only keep me, but also to hire me permanently. Then I was talking to my co-worker/supervisor this morning and she was saying that stuff is starting to slow down and that maybe there wasn’t enough work to justify having me. And even though we had talked about me learning some other skills, THAT’S not a sure thing either now. Apparently they’re going to talk about me on Monday when they have their weekly management meeting.
Monday. So that’s another four days for me to freak out. Because, yes, maybe I’m freaking out a little bit. I’m not sure if the situation justifies tears yet, but believe me, they’re waiting in the wings for their cue to come spilling out. Because as we’ve discussed previously, a) I’m a baby and b) tears are how I express pretty much every emotion. Anyway.
The reasons that this possible job-losing sucks are many. Besides the whole “not working” thing, I mean. Seriously, I had four months off and by the end, I was getting pretty bored. I don’t want to not work again. I never thought I’d hear myself say that I’m tired of not working, but I am. Secondly, I love my job. I love what I do and the people I work with are cool and I like going to work every morning. And thirdly, my first concern is always paying my mortgage. The extraneous stuff is no big deal – I could give up some of that stuff, but I don’t want to give up my house. I love my house. I always have the option of getting a roommate, but there’s also the fear of finding someone who’s not a psycho, since I had that one bad roommate situation back in the day. Plus, no one likes living with strangers. Gah. And Ack.
Anyway, I’m going to sit here and try to think about something else so that I can at least get through this day without worrying myself into, um, I don’t know , more worry? The good thing is, you’d never KNOW I was freaking out. Because outwardly, I'm pretty much my usual self. Unless you happened to maybe wander into my house later this evening and I’m face down on the floor, bawling. Not that that would happen. And not that most of you know where I live. And I certainly don't leave my front door unlocked. But that's neither here nor there. I’m just sayin’. Hypothetically.