Tuesday, November 07, 2006

My brain seems to have frozen up

I have the most massive case of writer's block EVER. Seriously. I've started about a brazillion posts and I can never get the words out that I want to.

I have tons of thoughts going through my head -- in fact, that's pretty much why I've barely slept for a week. It's gotten so I kind of dread going to bed, because I know I'm just going to wake up in the middle of the night and have a hard time going back to sleep. This is completely unlike me, as I love to sleep. I love it so very much. I wish my brain would remember that and shut the hell up.

I think part of the problem is that recently, I've had a hard time thinking of the right thing to say. Last week was rough, and for the first time ever, I found myself at a true loss for words. It's frustrating, especially when you want so badly to say something, but nothing comes to mind that is remotely helpful.

Every once in a while, I go through phases where I feel quiet. I don't have a lot to say because I've got other stuff on my mind. Not bad stuff necessarily, just stuff. People always assume I'm upset, because my mouth isn't going a mile a minute, but I'm not. I just feel quiet. That could be a part of the block as well.

As for the job situation, they're keeping me until November 19, which is the end of the fiscal year, and then they'll revisit it and make a decision. Oh good. That means another two weeks of stress over whether I'm going to be unemployed. This is also contributing to my lack of sleep.

All of that being said, I will say this. No matter what happens, I know that I have people in my life that love me, and that is more important than anything else. People who take good care of me, think about me, and make sure I know that I'm loved. I know things will work out -- I just have to trust that and keep moving forward.


Cheryl said...

I am exactly the same way. It can get very loud in my head and that keeps me up at night all the time. I hope you feel unblocked soon. And that you don't dread bedtime for much longer, because sleep is good.

Edge said...

When I can't sleep I take 1/2 of a melatonine. You can get it at the drug store or grocery store. Great sleep aid. But don't plan on being awake 20 minutes after you take it. Get some.

Keep looking on the job. Don't quit.


Chris said...

The worst time to write is when you're forcing yourself. I write posts every day, sometimes two, and I can always tell when I'm mentally checked out. My readers can tell, too. I think sokmetimes we bloggers are so afraid not to post because we fear we'll lose our readers to someone else.

Or is that just me?

Sex & Moxie

Kendra said...

You know what would make you feel better? Making a nice fresh batch of chicken enchiladas for your dear friend, KC. It does not require any speaking and it will provide a nice distraction for an hour or so. And when we eat together, I will crush up some Tylenol PM and sprinkle it over said enchiladas and then you will sleep. See? It's a win, win!

Mr. Fabulous said...

I am betting you are going to be fine. They will keep you.

And if for some reason they don't? I will hunt them down and burn down their villages and make slaves of their children.

Why, because I care. Plus I like to burn and enslave.

A brazillion post ideas? I had no idea you were Brazilian...

3105 said...

Things have a way of working themselves out..Lights always shine on talented and gifted people.

Chief Slacker said...

Hey, at least once you decided on what to say, blogger didn't eat it all. bastards. :O(

Ig ot taht same story at my last job. Contract to the end of the fiscal year and then they ran out of money 3 months prior!

If you need a job hunting buddy to trade horror stories, I'm looking too, so gimme a yell!

Sandra Dee said...

Oh gosh. The job situation would be enough to send me over the edge. Not sure I could take that.

Good luck. Come Nov. 19, I'll certainly be thinking of ya.

Marissa said...

I know exactly what you mean. I sometimes feel like being quiet too -- even when the thoughts permeating my head are intense and make my brain feel like it's going to explode. I have so much I haven't written, and want to. Sometimes it's easier to stay silent, and digest it all. I'm so sorry about that job situation -- how stressful. The 19th can't come soon enough, huh? Finally an end to the quandary and stress. Either way, the outcome will be the right one; I'm a firm believer that things have a way of working out in our favor (even when it REALLY doesn't seem like it...)