Monday, June 18, 2007

Aw, who am I kidding?

I thought it was time to leave, but as it turns out, it wasn't. I'm back.

Can I promise regular posts? No, but then again, who can? Can I promise that I won't tell stories that are really only funny if you were actually there? No, but then again, who can?

When I closed down the blog, it was because I thought I was no longer interesting. Maybe I'm not, but I feel like I lost some of myself when I stopped writing.

I've been living in fear lately of that very thing -- losing myself. Losing myself into the realm of mom - I love Chris and I love the girls, and I love our little family. But no matter how happy I am in that realm, there was always the fear poking at the back of my mind -- am I losing something important here?

My biggest fear was that I would be phased out by my friends -- Becki, Beth, Karen and Kendra. It's stupid, because we've been through pretty much every possible life changing experience together and yet are still as tight as ever, but I was afraid that I would get so wrapped up in what it takes to raise two great little girls that I would no longer have anything in common with my friends who weren't wrapped up in that.

My fears were laid to rest last weekend, when Becki showed up for the weekend. I got to spend a lot of time with her -- just us -- and time with Karen and Kendra as well. I cannot tell you how much I needed that. As cliche as it sounds, it made me realize that as much as things change, some things will always remain the same. There will always be things that make us laugh and laugh and laugh -- waiver rancheros, anyone? -- and there will always be the songs that we know by heart (and sing at the top of our lungs). And what I forgot was that there will always be coversations about whatever is going on in our lives. In high school it was lamenting grades or boys or the unfairness of parents. In our early 20s, it was lamenting hangovers or new jobs, finding apartments and the unfairness of boys. In our late 20s it was lamenting mortgages and health and the fears of the impending future. As life evolves, we've evolved with it, both as individuals and as a group, but even if the subject is serious, there will always be laughter and there will always be good advice from the girls that love me the most.

So thanks to my girls for making me feel like I have balance in my life again, and to Chris, for understanding my fears and encouraging me to spend time with my friends.

So yeah. I'm back! Didja miss me? Because I have a lot of words that REALLY want to come out!

14 comments:

Dan said...

woo hoo

-J said...

YAY! YAY! AMBER IS BACK!

Marissa said...

I AM SO HAPPY! I missed you so much, and your life to me is very interesting. You are a hilarious, fun-loving, REAL girl Amber and that can never be boring. I know the feeling of feeling as though you're losing yourself within a relationship, or a job, or just something bigger, and it's so important to keep holding onto you and doing things for yourself. We've gotta keep ourselves afloat always (i'm still learning how to do this) because we're awesome people. :) anyway, i'm VERY glad you're back!!! xoxoxo

Jill said...

Yes! I missed you! And you're really interesting and I love your writing. And to you (and any of my other blog buddies who happen to be reading this)... my recent lack of comments is no reflection on a lack of love for you guys. I've just been drowning in work over here! But I'm inching my way back to writing and commenting again, and I'll be making my rounds. Welcome back, Amber!

Woodrow said...

:)

Good. Because I never could remember the name of that other blog to check up on you.

Antonio said...

"As cliche as it sounds, it made me realize that as much as things change, some things will always remain the same."

This is eerily similar to the title of the blog post I made last night. Coincidence? :P

Oh and welcome back!

Alice said...

wow! howdy! saw your post on dasi's blog... yay, you're back! i am plotting a comeback myself ;-)

Mr. Fabulous said...

Good! Now get posting!

Damn slacker...

Welcome back!

Edge said...

You, Alice and if we can get the third in we'll have a tri-fecta. Oh happy day!!!

I'm glad you are writing again.

I'm curious how almost-step-momdom is treating you.

~Jef

Edge said...

Hope, that's the third of the Trifecta, someone talk Hope into coming back!

~Jef

Amanda said...

SWEET.

Cheryl said...

You know i missed you and there is no way on God's green earth I would ever even think of you as boring! EVER....

Oh, and you know I can't promise to post regularly so I wouldn't expect anyone else to, I just read it when it's there! :)

Janet said...

I'M So EXCITED! I'm glad that you started writing again. I was telling someone just the other day that writing is a therapy. As are friends. Which all of us are.

I'm Kendra and this is my blog. said...

No one is phasing anyone out you silly girl. Like I said before, are you girls all going to phase me out because I'm the only single one left? I don't think so. Besides, your new 'hood is near my dad and I've been making that drive for 14 years now. I'm really excited for you and can't wait to come visit the new place. XOXO, KC