Thursday, July 28, 2005

Yo ho ho and a bottle of Grey Goose

I bruise really easily. Hug me too hard, and I’ll bruise. Jokingly poke my arm and there’ll be a mark there later. One time my roommate in college was drunk and bit me. The next day I had a perfect imprint of her teeth on my upper arm. I always have bruises and I usually have no idea where they came from.

After my summer trips, I was covered in bruises, mostly on my legs, so I didn’t wear skirts until they went away. Today I was walking to the elevator (in a skirt) and my co-worker was behind me and was like “another bruise on your legs – how did you do that?” To which I replied “I don’t know – I never know. I just bruise easily – plus I have scurvy.” I said that last part as I rounded the corner to the elevator, where a guy was standing, giving me a rather horrified look. My co-worker started cracking up, while I was trying to explain to the guy that I don’t REALLY have scurvy, it’s just an explanation for the easy bruising. Plus, duh, everyone knows it's totally not contagious.

Scurvy is basically something you get when you have a severe Vitamin C deficiency. You see, back in the day, pirates (and other sea-guys) would get scurvy because they were at sea for long periods of time with no access to fresh fruit, and therefore they would become severely deficient in Vitamin C.


In 1747, a ship’s doctor finally figured out the cause by dividing the 12 sick men on his ship into six groups and while they all ate the same stuff for three meals, each group received different supplements, one of which was oranges and lemons. The men who ate the oranges and lemons recovered immediately, while none of the other groups showed any improvement. As this discovery caught on, ships would be stocked with limes, which while they were cheaper than lemons and oranges, weren't as effective in curing or preventing scurvy. THAT is how the word “limey” ended up in the British vocabulary. Limey means “a British sailor or English person” and it is actually sort of a slur to mean that the person in question was too cheap to stock their ships with oranges and lemons, and resorted to cheaper means even though it might mean the health of their crew. See how those guys were? Limey bastards, they were.

And so ends your history lesson for today. The things you can learn reading a blog written by someone who thinks pirates are hilarious and even though scurvy is actually really no laughing matter, the sound of the word itself makes me laugh. There may be a pop quiz later, so I hope you took good notes. In the meantime, stock up on limes and perhaps integrate them into your daily diet -- because there aren't a lot of fruits out there that can cure scurvy and yet simultaneously add tart deliciousness to your vodka tonic. Savvy?


What? I can't really pull that whole pirate lingo thing off? I'm not Captain Jack Sparrow? Huh. Maybe it was just the Grey Goose talking.

19 comments:

The Other Half said...

that's great...i've doubled the limes i put in my margaritas just because of you!

beckibee said...

I put your name in a pirate name generator and it is "Pirate Amora the Hatless." Mine is "Ham-Hands Avalon." Man, I love not working. So much free time!

FigEqualsGood said...

Seeing how I am a Pirate-American, it's good to see other people taking an interest in our history. Keep the faith and spreading the truth! (I'll keep a glass of the Captain ready for ye!)

Timmortal said...

I myself love a nice Effen on the rocks with a lemon. Therefore, I can never be refered to as a limey bastard. Maybe a lemony one, but definitely not a limey one.

Cheryl said...

I too bruise very easily, and often don't know where they came from. I always tell people I bruise like a peach.

Speaking of fruit, you've just encourage me to do more tequila shots! For this, I thank you.

The Husband said...

are you hitting the bottle early today? i consider grey goose to be the best vodka. however, my friend montezuma would argue kettel one is.

Rachwell said...

Sweet, there is my excuse for drinking...I could get scurvy if I stop!

Linda said...

Had me some lime with my Tecate last night. No pirates involved.

Kiki said...

I am the same way with bruises!
I hope I don't have scurvy! :)

Marie said...

Mmmm...I love limes. And I will put an extra one in my gin & tonics and margaritas.

I bruise easily too. Perhaps I should look into that. ;)

Thomas said...

So? Good weekend or bad weekend?

Amanda said...

well, aren't you a wealth of knowledge! i love it. i love the scurvy sounds, too. it's like a skating or gymnastics manuever of some sort. "oh, chuck, she's going to attempt the double-scurvy. she's coined that jump and...yes! she lands it effortlessly, a little wobble on to the left, but there'll be no deduction for that."

Mindi said...

I just told someone that I wish pirates would kidnap me! Now, I will make sure they have plenty of fruit aboard their ship before I give in so easily!

Charlie Mc said...

you learn something new every day, so they say...thanks! :)

trish said...

This is like the discovery channel of blogs...

Matthew said...

If you like vodka, you should try Tito's Handmade Vodka, "skillfully crafted in an old fashioned potstill by Texas's first and only distillery." http://www.titos-vodka.com/

MEP said...

Haha, that was a good story. I bruise really easily too! I was out on the lake last weekned and I came back with SO many bruises and injuries from tubing, running into the boat, and tripping. I also fell out of the shower, but that's another story . . .

Neonalune said...

I never thought I'd actually LEARN from reading a blog. Damn...guess I need to go back to watching endless amounts of tv.

PAINBRUSH said...

These is great limey info from alcholoc hausewifes! I red it first day and told my wife(her name not important, or ever used) I make her also bruise easily and often ,and she English, me old country , so I tell her- you have scurvy yankee! and lock her in washroom all week with no food, but two limes. Very HAPPINESS! WHen I let she come out today- she has no more bruises!(but dark eye circles)I hit her chin first time again to see if bruises stay away tomorow and scurvy gone. If no- I send her back to English and keep mothers dowry! because she dont cook goats right . But I think Limeys work, and maybe she not bruise so much now. Thank you very ! and have a day ! much lovs from Lumpky !