Thursday, October 27, 2005

This is the part where I just write some stuff down for no particular reason.

I'm pretty bored. I'm the only one in the office today, yesterday and tomorrow, so I have no one to talk to. So. Bored. We did have a fire drill yesterday, which basically consists of people streaming out of the building and then standing in their designated area in the parking lot until we get the all clear. It gave me the opportunity to actually talk to this guy in our suite whose name I still don't know, but who I refer to as "the guy with the nicest ass ever." Like I'll say to Marlene "Hey look -- it's the guy with the nicest ass ever." And he really does. Can you be sued for sexual harassment if you don't work for the same company? You know, I'm, um, just curious.

You may remember that back in September, I wrote an entry about how there was this skunk that was way past dead on the highway on my drive home. I saw it every day and I was repulsed every day because even if I psych myself up for like a mile before (“don’tlookdon’tlookdon’tlookdon’tlook”) I look. And my reaction? Well, to quote myself, it is “every day, my gag reflex kicks in and I’m like ‘gaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!’” It’s been over a month and while I have gotten the gag reflex under control, that pile of used-to-be-skunk is STILL THERE. It’s rained. It’s snowed. And yet? STILL THERE. I’ve actually seen kind of an abundance of dead skunks on the road this year, leading me to believe that skunk moms should better educate their babies about the correct way to cross the street. Or even better – don’t cross at all. They could cite the prairie dogs as an example – although I’m thrilled when prairie dogs are killed because those horrible rodents overrun everything. I hate them. Anyway. I’m not looking forward to daylight savings time because that means it’ll be dark when I’m driving home and the probability of me hitting a deer is higher. It’s wildlife-tastic around here, I tell you what. (You say that last part like Hank in "King of the Hill").

So I’m wondering when my transformation into my mother will finally be complete. Because after Tuesday, I feel like Dr. Jekyll – he knows that he’s going to turn into Mr. Hyde, he fights it…fights it…and yet? Mr. Hyde always wins. Turning into my mom isn’t a bad thing at all, I just feel like I’m too young for that yet. The reason I say this is because I got this fabulous new bathtub cleaner that seriously is MAGICAL. My bathtub looks brand freakin’ new. I love it. However, I did love it slightly less when I woke up at 2 a.m. choking on the residual fumes. You would think that 8 or 9 hours would be long enough for them to dissipate, but not so much. Once I realized that that was probably the cause, I went out and slept on the couch. And woke up late for work. But possible permanent lung damage is a small price to pay for that magically sparkly tub. I also got this stainless steel cleaner that makes my sink look new and this stovetop cleaner that makes my cooktop stove look new. Clearly, I'm all about the looking new. I’m re-reading this now and boy do I sound pathetic. Pathetic – but with a really clean house. And hence, I’m turning into my mom, because she is a major clean freak. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I think I found the perfect comforter for my new, non-pink room. I want it. Really bad.

And now, some quotes.

Me: “I decided to wear my camouflage t-shirt – see, it’s the blue one. If we were underwater right now, you totally couldn’t see me.”
Not Boyfriend: “If we were underwater right now, whether or not I could see you would really be the least of our problems.”

Not Boyfriend, after looking at my wall where I have all of the various shades of mocha/beige/taupe/khaki paint color swatches taped: “I’m going to go out on a limb here and say you paint this room brown.” At this point I just rolled my eyes and attributed that remark to the fact that boys have no sense of subtlety. But then…
Mom: “What are all those paint color swatches doing on your wall?”
Me: “Take a wild guess.”
Mom: “Ok, well why are there 600 shades of beige then?”

Geez. Does NO ONE have a sense of subtlety around here? Honestly. (And you say that last part like Austin Powers).

Remember when I talked about James Blunt opening for Jason Mraz the other night? Well I downloaded the song that I loved -- I'd say it's the least "fatalistic" on the cd -- it's called "You're Beautiful." And I can't stop listening to it. I think it's so sweet and his voice is so pretty and full of feeling, but at the same time I feel like I might start crying and never stop. Because the way he sings it and the lyrics? Heart-rending. And yet -- it makes me feel kind of happy. I don't understand it either -- I'm an enigma wrapped in a mystery, apparently. Anyway, you should listen to it.


Kiki said...

I am with you on the boredom front. I have an hour and twenty minutes left and I honestly don't know if I can keep my eyes open that long.

You should call dept. of health or sanitation or something about that skunk. That's gnarly.

Whinger said...

That was a lot of information.

Skunk: Blech.

Mr. Hyde: Sure, sure, but the real question is WHAT is your bathtub cleaner? WHAT? Why do you hold out on me?

Painting: Brown is a lovely color. Brown and pink is the best color combination EVER, followed closely by robin's egg blue and brown.

Romeo Jensen said...

the perfect comforter?
k... Ive said it before but it bares repeating (notice how I worked bare and butt in the same sentence)

You... are suuuuuch a girl

now about this used to be skunk... would that be "not skunk"... or "history skunk"

lastly... i know u read kiki the hawties blog... flowers amber... were talking flowers... you sooo have a fall back apartment to go to now

romey *winks west and a mile high*

Cheryl said...

I like the comforter. I do not like the skunk. That is just disgusting.

Stephanie said...

Amber - I love your random moments. Absolutely priceless.

I like the comforter. Very not girl, and yet soft. hmmm.

Skunk - Eeeew.

Glad you're enjoy the new tunes. It's always fun to discover a new artist to fall in love with. Good stuff.

Hope said...

Yes, you must tell us what these cleaners are? I am a total clean freak too.

And there's been a skunk sniffing around my apartment building. It freaks me out, especially when I come home drunk and it's 20 feet away staring at me.

Jill said... drill, the nicest ass ever, dead skunks, gag reflex, seriously magical bathroom cleaner, paint swatches, fatalism...this is most kick-ass combination of miscellany I've read in quite some time.

Chief Slacker said...

Hey you! Love the new pic! My favorite is reading the names of the paints. Half the time they have nothing to do with the color. Wildlife Mist or Pale Dragon or soemthing. heh. And nothing wrong with a little cleanness. but do watch out for those toxic fumes!

The Husband said...

did you know that Jason Mraz is from richmond?!?!?!?

The Zombie Lama said...

Boredom = my job.

I just got a new bedspread. It's red with gold spots here and there. Fits in very nicely with the new asian theme I have going on.

Kellie said...

okay, am I a freak if I now want to know what bathroo cleaner you use?!

God. I am SO Bree from Desperate Housewives.

dasi said...


And, might I just say I find your ramblings to be thoroughly entertaining. Oh, and? In case you didn't notice - I just posted Brad & Angie's wedding photo...

Amber said...

Ok ladies, it's the moment you've all been waiting for. The cleaning spray is...drum roll... ZEP. Yes, it comes in a spray bottle and you find it in the cleaning supplies aisle at Home Depot.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one to get almost unreasonably excited about cleaning products.

The Husband said...

amber, have i told you yet that you complete me?

FreeThinker said...

Sounds like "You're Beautiful" will impress the ladies ... I gotta learn how to play it!

appsdshell said...

How crazy, If I didn't know you live so far away from me, I would think that you work in one of my buildings, because we held a firedrill for all of our tenants on Wednesday.