Monday, November 14, 2005

Leave the worrying to me -- I'm a professional

I’m a worrier. If there’s something that needs to be worried about, well, you’ve come to the right place. If there’s something that doesn’t need worrying about, well, I’m your girl.

I’m not sure why I’m like this. I didn’t have a hard life as a kid and I’ve never had to worry about things like school or money or anything serious, really. Things come pretty easily to me and so the amount of worrying I do has no basis in reality.

The things I worry most about are people. When I was little, I couldn’t go to bed at night without telling my parents that I loved them, because what if they died in the night and never knew that I loved them? Yes, that was my thinking at age 5. I am petrified of losing my parents. Petrified. I am really close to them – I was an only child for many years until my brother came along, and my parents spent LOTS of time with me. I live a mile away from them. We’re a tight family. And I am scared to death of losing that. I am not afraid of dying myself – not in the least. But I worry about my family dying. I worry that my kids will never know their grandparents and know how phenomenal they are. I worry that my parents will never know their grandkids, or get the chance to be the phenomenal grandparents I know they’ll be.

Ever since Vannie died, I’ve worried about losing my brother. Not for any reason other than when you’re faced with the sudden death of someone young, you can’t help but think “what if.” Well, maybe you can, but I can’t. Especially because I took care of him all the time. He was MY baby. I carried him around and played with him and fed him and mothered him practically to death until he was 18. I let him go finally, but I still worry.

I worry about my friends. I worry that one day, we’ll finally reach the point where we’ve grown apart. I worry that we’ll stop talking to each other and never start again. I see statistics about how one in 5 women will get breast cancer, and I think “there are five of us – will one of us get that?” I know, it’s morbid. It’s not like I think about it all the time, but it’s there.

I worry about my youth group kids. I worry that they’ll make an irreversible bad decision. I worry that something will happen to one of them. I worry that my girl M, who’s at college in Greeley will come home after one year and back into the clutches of her overbearing, CRAZY father (I know you’re reading this M – I worry about that, ok?). Don’t come home! I miss you, but don’t come home! I worry that my boy D will get jaded by the way silly, stupid high school girls treat him and turn into a jerk. I worry that he’ll give in to the large amount of peer pressure that kids face. I worry that one day, he’ll stop telling me things because he’s scared that I’ll be disappointed. I’m scared that when I find out what he ISN’T telling me, it’ll be too late.

I worry about being alone. I worry that I’ll be alone forever. I worry that I’ll never have kids. I worry that I’ll have kids and then be so worried about them that I’ll have some sort of ridiculous breakdown. Oh the things I can find to worry about. I even worry about the cats. I know -- stupid. And the stupidest part is that they’re all purely hypothetical scenarios and also? I couldn’t stop them from happening no matter how much I wanted to.

But don’t YOU worry. I don’t worry all the time. I also obsess. And when I’m not doing either of those things, well, I’m probably making fun of people. I have to balance out my CLEARLY DUBIOUS mental health SOMEHOW, right?

21 comments:

Stephanie said...

Amber, let's set up a support group for the overly-dramatic, unreasonably obsessive, compulsive worriers. I'd be willing to bet we'd be the only two, but I'm sure we'd entertain each other for hours with our nonsense!

The Husband said...

thats alot of worrying. i guess in a way that means you are a person who cares alot. maybe amber needs to try to relax.

Marie said...

Ah, yes. I am a worrier as well. I try not to be and people always say "Don't worry too much" but I can't help it sometimes! And I come up with all kinds of hypothetical scenarios all the time. Ugh. I wish I could turn it off like a light switch. :)

Miladysa said...

(Sent 3 emails so obviously must have an incorrect email adress for you - could you please email the correct one & I will try again? Ta)

Whinger said...

Oh my goodness it's time to chill. But then I fall in the camp of worrying too little, so perhaps we need those like you to balance us out?

Kendra said...

Ah worrying...such a fun hobby. I know because I worry entirely too much as well. I like to look at it as being really aware of your blessings and hoping that they aren't taken from you...and that can't be bad, right? :) I heart you - never worry about that.

Romeo Jensen said...

mummsy wants to send you the code for ur tiara

anyway...

Amber said...
You're the king and I'm the queen -- i have the tiara to prove it. So where does that leave us, your royal majesty?

well... I think we should procreate... often... six seven times a night so the little munchkins can get to know their grandparents (smooth tie in to todays blog... 20 bonus blogger points)

beckibee said...

Don't worry about our friendship, I'm here to stay! Wait, now should you worry about THAT? :)

The Zombie Lama said...

Ever since I had the zomblings, I've done nothing but worry. Am I a good enough father? Did I teach them right? Am I doing a good job raising them? Will they do drugs? Will they have sex and get pregnant too soon? Willtheywilltheywilltheywillthey.....

*breathe in, breathe out...*

I feel your pain :o)

Miladysa said...

I have just read Romey's comment and am now worrying about Ambrom Munchins populating the earth :)

Hope said...

I don't worry about anything other than people. I don't worry about money, or my job, or world peace, but I worry myself sick when my mom has surgery or when Jeff is late. And I also worry about how much I'll worry when I have kids. It's neverending!

Edge said...

I'm just sad when people have to leave. It was getting to me at the end of The Wizard of Ox this weekend when Dorothy had to leave with the wizard to go bakc to Kansas. I have serious separation issues ...

~Jef

Aliecat said...

I'm a worry wort too. I inherited it from my mom, the ultimate obsesser! I also worry about my parents dying, more so now as they get older. Plus, I'm an only child so my family is as tight as yours probably. And the "don't worry so much" line never really works if you're a chronic worrier, does it?

Timmortal said...

I worry about things too. I worry that when i'm sleeping over at a girls house i will fart in my sleep and she will tell all her friends and my cool guy image will be ruined. Damn, it scares me even thinking about it.

Kiki said...

Oh sweetie, I thought you could have been describing ME for a second there! I'm exactly the same. It's not to the point where we have become recluses (thank god!) but it still always in the back of our heads. Maybe it keeps us on our toes???

Kellie said...

Man, I feel that girl. I worry all the time too- always have to end with the I Love Yous, just in case. Always worried that something bad will happen to someone I love...

I guess it just means we REALLY care about others!

Alice said...

i'm with whinger on this one... maybe you worry enough to make up for my lack of worrying ;-P

Lizzie said...

worrying? obsessing? making fun of other people? this all sounds eerily familiar. get out of my head! ;-)

Chief Slacker said...

Dubiousity is fun sometimes ;O)gj

Karen said...

I think one thing you never need to worry about is your friendships, we've had the perfect opportunities for us all to drift apart, and we haven't. And you'll neve be alone, John and I are working on constructing the apartment over the garage for you:)

Linda said...

When I'm worried that you're worried that I'm not worried about your being worried, I'll let you know.

You goof ball. :-)