These dreams

I have vivid dreams. When they’re good, it’s awesome, because it’s like it’s really happening. But when they’re bad, it’s awful, because it’s like they’re really happening.

I’ve woken up crying, screamed in my sleep, and been haunted all day by what I dreamt. Sometimes I know what they mean, sometimes I know what triggered it, and sometimes I wonder if it’s a cruel joke my brain is playing on me when it thinks I just don’t have enough to think about.

Today is a haunting day. Not because the dream was bad, necessarily, it just had so much involved in it and I’ve been wondering what my brain is trying to tell me.

In last night’s dream, I was at an outdoor wedding at a hotel. The bride was distraught because she had lost her antique engagement ring, and so I spent hours looking for it. I was up near the altar, looking through the grass, and I kept finding all kinds of diamond rings and earrings, but never the one I was looking for. I finally went into the hotel and I saw my dad, and I showed him everything that I’d found, and told him the story. I can’t remember what he said, but it didn’t really help. While I was there, I saw my boss from when I used to work at the hotel and also my ex-boyfriend, who I met when I worked at the hotel. I couldn’t believe it was him, and we ended up getting back together. And I eventually found the ring. The dream went on into other avenues that I don’t remember, but for some reason, those particular details stuck with me.

Enter the online dream dictionary. According to that, here’s what my dream means.

So the fact that I’m looking for a lost ring means that I’m looking for “commitment, promise and security in love”. Yes. Of course I am. While I do have a slight fear of commitment, I have also grown tired of casual. Promise and security would be a great thing – with the right person.

The fact that the ring is an antique symbolizes something “genuine or proven”. I’ll buy that, seeing as I’ve always looked at my parents’ really good marriage as something I would want – it’s genuine and it’s proven.

Being at a wedding “symbolizes a new beginning or transition in your current life. Dreams involving weddings are generally negative and highlight some anxiety or fear.” The obvious thought here is that since I’m changing jobs, there’s the aspect of transition, and also anxiety. I’ve been pondering some major life changes, and while I love change, it scares me at the same time. Plus, I’m turning 30, and while this may not seem like a big deal, for some reason it’s freaking me out. Anyway. I’m familiar with anxiety (almost TOO familiar) and I know I’m in a transitional phase. I just have to figure out where I'm going. And of course THAT doesn't make me anxious. No. Not at all.

Finding all the other diamond stuff instead means that I may be distancing myself from others. Which seems logical, considering that I was the only one in the crowd looking for the ring, and crowds symbolize “the need to make space for yourself in order to think about a situation at hand.” I’ll buy that too, as I have a lot of things in my head that I need to get in order.

Looking for the ring in the grass “suggests that there is a part of yourself that you can always rely on. The dream is also symbolic of natural protection.” Which follows with why I also saw my dad, because fathers symbolize “authority and protection”, but also “it suggests that you need to be more self-reliant.” So I suppose while I’m thinking and making changes, I know that I can always rely on myself and that I should trust that and be more self-reliant.

So I leave the safety of the grass (I still don’t get that, but whatever) and my dad, and go into the hotel, which “signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking.” Check and check. See above. Finding my ex-boyfriend there and getting back together with him “suggests that something or someone in your current life is bringing out similar feelings you felt during the relationship with your ex.” I suppose that’s a GOOD thing, since that particular ex was the one I loved the most. The fact that I found the ring after I was with him is an interesting aspect as well.

I usually don’t remember dreams so coherently, but apparently, I need to pay attention. My brain is trying really hard to tell me something that I’m not listening to in my waking life. And so it finally got frustrated and put all the symbolism it possibly could into one dream. “THINK!” it’s saying, “You need to make changes and you’re strong enough to do it!” Fine, ok, I get it. Sheesh.