Baby Kitty for Sale!

So, if anyone is looking for a baby kitty, roughly seven months old who is super cute but quite possibly the worst behaved baby kitty EVER, well, I’ve got one. I came home Monday night to discover that in all of her gallivanting around on top of the fridge that she knocked it WIDE OPEN and therefore all of my food was thawing. Super. After I stood there and yelled some swear words (wearing the boots, mind you, that look like a cougar attacked them because I left them out one day and she thought they looked fun to wrestle with), it occurred to me that I should look around and see if I’d been burglarized. My friend Jeff’s parents just got robbed and they also left the fridge open because they watch those movies where people hide money in the freezer. No, no signs of burglary, just naughty cats. I told Not Boyfriend about it and (after totally laughing at me) he said that that’s why I should get a dog, because they aren’t smart enough to open the freezer. I said that it was less that she was smart and more that she is klutzy. I’m sure the scenario played out that she wanted to get down in a hurry and tripped and knocked it open. Or something. As cats go, she's not that coordinated. I need one of those nanny-cams to get the real story. Anyway. I put some “sticky paws” on top of the fridge to deter her from getting up there, apparently to no avail, as when I came home last night, the freezer was open AGAIN. So I investigated the sticky paws stuff and sure enough, there was baby kitty fuzzies all over them. I thought that the point of that stupid stuff was that cats don’t like to have their paws stuck to things and so they would avoid that particular area. It worked on the mantle, WHY NOT THE FREEZER!! So I closed the freezer – AGAIN – and prayed that the motor wasn’t burned out – AGAIN – and got out the packing tape and taped the freezer closed. Yeah, I'm ghetto, so? I just didn't feel like going to the hardware store at that minute to get one of those child safety thingies for the freezer door. Packing tape works, and it makes it much more difficult for me to get in there, which caused me to wonder if the cats are trying to tell me something. Are they saying I’m fat? Do they want me to stop buying frozen food? Do they want me to not drink the cranberry vodka that I keep in there? Is it possible that my cats are teetotalers? I guess I'll never know...