I decided that the subject of this entry doesn’t deserve to have a “ ‘Insert Identifying Characteristic Here’ Boyfriend” name, but instead what he DOES deserve (among other things) is to have his FULL NAME out there for all to see. Heh. I consider this a public service.
Ok, so the A-List was just involved in a wedding EXTRAVAGANZA in which Karen married John. It was awesome. The most fun a wedding could possibly be, partly because John also went to our high school and so it was like homecoming 1991 (except drunk) because ALL of the bridesmaids and ALL of the groomsmen were from our high school and we’ve known each other forever. But I digress.
So I knew that Sean Donahue would be there, because he is a friend of John’s from back then, and I was excited to see him because we had liked each other in high school, but then he moved away after our freshman year and things happen and we totally lost touch. To clarify, he REALLY liked me in 9th grade and I was busy having a crush on a guy who was a senior and so I didn’t pay any attention to him until he was seeing someone else and I decided I wanted him. Because that’s how it worked back then. Anyway. He shows up at the wedding and we end up talking and hanging out for most of the night and he tells me that he came to the wedding to see me and he hoped we could maybe start seeing each other. I was like “ok” because the whole “I came to see you” thing was pretty flattering. And also? I was pretty drunk. He did mention that he had been CASUALLY dating a girl who he did not bring with him to the wedding because he knew I’d be there. I was like “Whatever, great, is there more champagne?” however Beth gave him a lengthy lecture of which the gist was “Break up with the other girl before you even think of dating Amber because if you hurt her I will KILL YOU.”
So I gave him my number and he called the very next day and we decided he’d come over for a drink on Monday night. So he did and we chatted and he immediately started saying things like “I’ve been in love with you since we were 13.” Ok, whatever, freakshow, but I was still in the blindly flattered stage, so I let it pass. So two weeks go by in which he calls, he comes over nearly every night, he brings me flowers, he buys me dinner. It’s like real dating. And little by little, more comes out about the CASUAL girlfriend. You know “Well, we’ve been dating off and on for 5 years (What? Who “casually dates” for FIVE YEARS?) but I know that I don’t want to marry her. I want to marry you.” Um, dude? We’ve been dating for two weeks. Two. Weeks. Then he tells me that he wants to buy a house with me. Like right now. To which I say no, thank you, because the house we’re in right now? I own it. I just bought it six months ago and I plan on living here for quite some time. So no. And also? Two. Weeks. It was just ridiculous stuff like that where I’m like “What?” but against my better judgment I let it slide because I’m flattered. Even though I’m not the least bit attracted to him, especially since I keep secretly comparing him to Not Boyfriend (who I was truly not seeing at all at the time). Oh and one time he said "hey, I passed up sex tonight to be with you" (referring to the fact that the girl he was CASUALLY dating had called) and I'm like "Really? Wow, how lucky am I?" What? WHAT? Who says that to a girl they keep calling "honey" and referring to as their girlfriend? Who? Someone with no inner monologue, that's who. I just can't impart to you the high levels of jackass that he is.
One day, he decides to go to Ft. Collins for something and he tells me he’s going to keep his phone turned off because the battery’s low and he left his charger at home. Where he lives. With his parents. Another unheeded warning. Sigh. Kendra was immediately suspicious, but I had no reason to be, until he didn’t call or return my calls for a full 24 hours. And he also did not show up where he was supposed to the following afternoon. And it alllll went downhill from there.
This is a long story. So part two is forthcoming....