Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Not Boyfriend + Hope= Probably Nothing Good

Those of you who know me well probably know that I often make completely ridiculous and off the wall decisions when it comes to men. There’s no need to mention specifics from the past – seriously, no need – but suffice it to say that while I try to learn from my mistakes, there’s this totally irrational section of my brain that takes over from time to time and causes me to make the same mistake. Or a bigger one. It just depends.

So on Sunday, I was in a REALLY bad mood, and feeling a little destructive. Even though it was against my better judgment, I decided I was going to call Not Boyfriend. So what if he hasn’t called me in six months and that the last “conversation” we had was the worst thing ever? By golly, I’m going to call him anyway. So, expecting the worst, and with no plan at all whatsoever in my mind, I called.

Much to my surprise, he answered. Even more to my surprise, he had time to talk and wanted to. Apparently, at this time he was NOT in the car with his boys. So we made some non-awkward small talk (another surprise) and along the way, segued into his reasons for dropping off the face of the earth. I got to say everything to him that I’ve been thinking in my head for the past six months, and he told me his (totally valid) reasons for disappearing. I say totally valid, though in reality, there’s no real validity to disappearing with no explanation from the life of someone you profess to care about. However, since there was some genuine apologizing going on on his part, I will forgive him. We ended up talking for quite a while and when we were getting off the phone, he said he would call me at the end of the week and maybe we could have dinner.

So what does this mean? No clue. I don’t even know if he’ll call, and based on recent experience, I’m not going to hold my breath. I do NOT want to harbor any false hope about what MIGHT happen. Unfortunately, Hope seems to have not gotten that memo. Stupid Hope – that’s the thing that gets me every time. "Maybe this guy will be different," Hope says. "Maybe I’ll meet someone who isn’t what Becki would term 'an emotional f***wit.' Maybe Not Boyfriend will be back and the timing will be better." It’s that last one that I’ve been trying to push down. It’s hard though, and here’s why.

Everybody has a mental list of the things they look for in a person that they may or may not spend the rest of their lives with. It generally ranges from shallow and possibly irrational to deep and on the list for a good reason. I have such a list, and while I’m flexible on some issues, there are a couple that I will not budge on. One of those is “can you hang?” Can you hang with my friends? Because they’re funny and quick and sarcastic and if you can’t take it and give it back, well, there’s gonna be issues. Same with my family – it’s tease or be teased, and if you can’t hang, again, there’s going to be a problem. Can you make me laugh? Because if you can’t, I’ll get bored and that’s never a good thing.

On my mental checklist, Not Boyfriend fits the criteria, even on the shallow things. He could totally hang with my friends – he even has the added “Bear Creek” advantage in that he went to jr. high and high school with us. He is so quick and he makes me laugh all the time. We always have stuff to talk about and (except for that one time) our silences are never awkward. Being together is comfortable without being boring. He’s really affectionate, and even though he’s been hurt by the ex-wife, he’s not an emotional retard because of it. Ok, maybe sometimes he is, but given the situation, I’ll cut him some slack. He’s so tall and he has gorgeous eyes. He’s close to his family and he wants one of his own. He can fix stuff around the house. He has goals that are realistic, and he knows that the only way to get there is through hard work and the occasional sacrifice. He knows who he is and what’s important to him, and he sticks by that. The truth is, he’s someone who I could realistically see myself marrying, because he’s the kind of person I want to be with.

Apparently, I’m going to have to send out a more strongly worded memo to Hope, because clearly, it’s not paying attention to the previous cease and desist order. Stupid Hope.


Beth said...

Ahhh...Hope. Hope never tells you about her secret boyfriend, Irony, or her mother, Karmic Payback (what a bitch!). I think Hope's just hanging with the wrong crowd.

Kendra said...

Seriously, I have the funniest freinds in the entire world. You girls kill me! :)
I think Hope is ok, just as long as she doesn't run the show.