Inappropriate cards for every possible occasion

So Linda and I were having an instant message conversation the other day about greeting cards. She recently sent me a bunch of awesome “I’m sorry” cards (go here to see them) and I was telling her about how I sent one to my friend Chris in Croatia and he loved it. So we got to talking about if we made our own cards, what they would say. Behold the conversation of card-creating GENIUS…

Amber says:
We should work on some cards like that
Linda says:
Seriously. I need cards like that.
Linda says:
Most of mine would start, "You know what?" and then go from there.
Linda says:
You know what? (and on the inside)...you aren't Mr. Right. I just like the sex.
Amber says:
...Just because I call you doesn't mean I'm trying to figure out your china pattern preferences
Linda says:
…I'm just here for the vodka and the sex. -- that one would be popular.
Linda says:
...In this day and age of cell phones and email, your excuses are JUST NOT GOING TO FLY.
Amber says:
...Just because we had sex, it doesn't mean that I want anything more than sex
Amber says:
...Why are you such a monumental ASS?
Linda says:
...Just because we had sex, it doesn't mean that we should do that again. Ick.
Linda says:
...Is your real name ass, or is that just what I call you?
Amber says:
...Did you really think I wasn't going to find out about your girlfriend? It's a frickin' small world and you're clearly an idiot
Linda says:
For sure the one about the "I feel you make me ...whatever it was....that one you always used to say.
Amber says:
...I you make me feel like shit
Linda says:
...Check my blog. I mock you there.
Linda says:
(no not you ...that's another card)
Amber says:
...Everyone on my blog hates you -- I have proof
Amber says:
(again, not you -- a card)
Linda says:
HA HA HA!!!!!
Linda says:
Those would be awesome!
Linda says:
...Survey says: You're an ass
Amber says:
...I was drunk and you looked good. We're not together.
Linda says:
...P.S. who taught you to kiss? She was wrong.
Amber says:
NICE
Linda says:
Oh my god are you writing these down or printing them out or something?! We're not even drunk and we're so funny
Linda says:
...Your "routine" just isn't working for me.
Amber says:
...I've been patient. KISS ME ALREADY
Linda says:
...Either work on your foreplay or skip right over it.
Amber says:
...Either work on your foreplay or this is the last time you see me naked. Ever.
Linda says:
Ha ha
Linda says:
...On a scale of one to ten? Nevermind. I'm not that mean.
Amber says:
...Yes, I hate your ex wife too. Probably not for the same reasons, though.
Linda says:
FOR SURE.
Linda says:
...You've been hurt? Get over it. You'll have to eventually anyway.
Amber says:
...I especially hate her because now I have to deal with the repercussions
Amber says:
...Thanks bitch
Linda says:
...Hey ex-wife? He said I'm the best he's ever had.
Amber says:
...Yes. Size DOES matter.
Linda says:
...The other guy I'm dating doesn't know I have other options either.
Amber says:
...When I said I'd wait for you, I didn't mean I'd be waiting alone
Linda says:
...Drunk dialing IS a sign of affection. Get used to it
Linda says:
...STRIKE THREE. You know what that means.
Amber says:
...I don't hang out with you because you're good company
Amber says:
...I have things to do -- can we cut the small talk and just have sex?
Linda says:
...There's a reason I haven't told my friends about you.
Amber says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA
Linda says:
...Enough with the chit-chat. Take your clothes off.
Amber says:
...I know, you like to talk about FEELINGS. Fine. I'm feeling pretty horny.
Linda says:
...It's a myth that girls always want to snuggle. You can leave now.
Amber says:
...Get off me. Yes, I know, I'm so funny. Seriously. Off.

And there you have it folks. Look for the Linda & Amber line of very useful greeting cards for pretty much any occasion, um, somewhere. Eventually. You know, once we actually make them. And feel free to leave suggestions for more. Genius loves company -- and so do we.