Wednesday, February 15, 2006

These are the contents of my head

Why I don’t HAVE to settle.
Because I got flowers from Karen, presents from Sally and Joe, and Chicago pizza from Dasi. Cards, e-mails, voice mails, text messages, instant messages, vodka tonics, hugs, kisses and snuggles, all from people who love me. More.

So while I may not have a boyfriend, I have PLENTY of love in my life and Valentine’s Day was just like any other day. Because my friends show me love every day.

Beth was talking about perfume today and so it got me to thinking about the smells I love. So here they are. I love household products that smell like "fresh rain". I love candles and room fresheners that smell like "clean cotton". I love the smell of clean clothes. I love the smell of my own perfume -- "Heaven" by the Gap. I love the smell of my mom. I love that when my dad uses the phone before he leaves for work, it smells like his aftershave. I love that my brother has always had a distinct little boy smell, even now. It’s not bad, it’s just Tim smell. I like that when Kendra takes her hair out of a ponytail, it still smells like her shampoo. I love the smell of rain and the smell of barbecques in the summer. I love the smell of Not Boyfriend – when he used to hug me and even after he left, my shirt smelled like him. I love the smell of baby shampoo on baby heads. I love the smell of fall in Winter Park. I love that all these smells remind me of so many good things. MY good things.

Fascinating Ex-Boyfriend Story
Ok Romey, since you’re SO INTERESTED in my ex-boyfriend, here you go. It’s a tale of intrigue and mystery – not really, but there are some parts I will keep to myself. We were together for four years, and we broke up almost exactly two years ago. We loved each other – a lot – but we’d gotten to a place where the next part of moving forward was getting married, and that wasn’t going to happen.

He was 14 years older than me and he had two kids already. He didn’t want to have a second family and that was a dealbreaker for me. I knew that from the beginning, but the heart wants what it wants, I guess. I also never thought we’d be together as long as we were. We started dating when I was 23 and he was 37, and we definitely went through some rocky patches because hello? I was 23 and even though I’d been in two long term relationships already (and engaged once) being with someone my age was completely different than being with someone that much older.

It was a hard break up because we didn’t stop loving each other, but I needed to move on and find someone who wanted what I wanted. Clearly I’m still looking for that – harder than I thought it would be, apparently. Anyway, he and I stayed in touch for a year after we broke up, but in that time, I wasn’t moving on. So we stopped talking altogether. And since then, well, you know the excellent experiences I’ve had in the dating realm.

I used to miss him all the time, but that’s faded. I think about him a lot, mostly in the context of places we’ve been and things we did. But I don’t miss him anymore. I have good memories of our time together and I don’t regret a minute of it. I’m thankful for him and the things I learned from being with him, and that’s that.


Kendra said...

Whenever I smell "Heaven" on someone else it seems odd because hello?! don't they know that's YOUR perfume? Duh.

Whinger said...

You're much nicer about smells than I.

C. said...

I did go by The Gap the other day just to smell "Heaven". Okay, I bought a few shirts too.. : )

Chief Slacker said...

Glad ot hear you had a good V-day. Everyone has their exes, good thing you can move on eh? :O)

Romeo Jensen said...

okay heres how I see it

as the vulopteous (sp) and dead on sexy lolita like 23 yearold amber... Britney Murphy (she has your humor)

as the older and wiser (dare we say almost father-like) studpuppy... Brad Pitt

okay okay... lets get marrion ross and tom bosley (Mr and Mrs Cunningham for Happy Days) to play your parents... Ashton Kutcher as your younger and confused drug dependent brother

billy zane (that jerk from the movie titanic) to play the part of "History boy"

orlando bloom as the misguided and confuzed "Not Boyfriend"

Haley Joel Osment (I see dead people) to play the part of the cherib like rascal that wants to play with ambo's big titty and little titty

oh... and lastly the up and coming Romeo Jensen as the guy who comes in and sweeps the gorgeous Ambo off her feet and we have 27 babies and they're all beautiful like their mom :)

the end

Romeo Jensen said...

disclaimor... if you havent been reading amber's blog for the past 2 months... you may want to go back and catch up... especially the big and little titty part

Sandra said...

I had such a similar experience in my 20s. And I've never topped 'him' either. If I'd had the priorities I have now, THEN, I'd have stayed with him. But oh no the young girlie thought she could find someone who hadn't already had a bunch of kids with someone else. She was wrong.

Dan said...

Funny, that's odd... I am 37...

Sass said...

That's the worst kind of break up.

And brother's do seem to have a smell to them like Pig Pen walking around.

Kyahgirl said...

nope, you don't have to settle buddy-you're worth the best!!

Jonniker said...

I feel a little sick for you thinking of how it must have felt at that time. I'm so glad you've had that experience, though.

I sound like your mother. Slap me.

Okie said...

If you had not loved
If he had not "loved you more"
You would not know how to

Miladysa said...

Happy belated Valentine's Day Amber!

One day you will be writing about 'the one' I am sure :)

Cheryl said...

It's good to take something positive from everything. I have a very strong sense of smell and while there are some I like, I also get easily bothered by the bad ones...

Hope said...

Well, with or without a boyfriend you had a better Valentine's Day than me. I rushed to make dinner for Jeff before our volleyball game, then he was late, and I got hysterical because I didn't know where he was and he wasn't answering his phone. Then we were late for the game and had to come home and eat cold food.

And I stand by the quote, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Isn't it? Isn't it nice to at least have those memories? When I was single, I liked to look at photo albums from my ex, not to feel depressed, but because it made me feel good that I had been that happy.

Oh, and my little brother, Tim, smells like the worst kind of BO. You got lucky in the brother-aroma department.

Alice said...

arg! blogger ate my (very long) comment!! let me see if i can recreate.

first off: aw. man. aw. story of exbf makes me wish i were in CO to give you a live hug. but at least you know you did the right thing, instead of being all "man, i was such a dumb young girl back then and didn't know what i wanted!" no.. you did the opposite, instead of being a dumb young girl and settling for something you knew wouldn't work in the end, you made the hard but right choice. that's more than a lot of people can say.

as for my vday (my very first in 25 years during which i had a bf OR a valentine, btw).. we had decided he would come over to my place w/french pate we picked up in paris, and drink some good french wine i had. he forgot about that and showed up, late, with burger king take out. for himself. doh.

Kiki said...

I know exactly what you feel/mean about your ex. I'm there.