Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Why I won't settle

Because I had someone who showed me what I should have.

He made me a priority – called when he said he would, and even when he didn’t say he would. Always had time for me – always MADE time for me.

We did nothing, we did everything. We went to dinner, we went to breakfast, we went to the gym, we went to the movies. We went to San Francisco, San Diego, Winter Park, Vail, Breckenridge and a billion places in between. We saw Dave Matthews and Indigo Girls and Sting. He was a chef and I loved to watch him make dinner, concocting delicious things out of whatever was in the fridge.

He taught me that being in a relationship wasn’t all about me. That I should want to take care of the person that I’m with but to also let myself be taken care of.

Valentine’s Day was a day for flowers, but so were Tuesdays or Wednesdays. He always remembered that I don’t like red roses and that I love Gerbera daisies.

I have the physical remnants of that relationship – a diamond bracelet, necklaces, clothes, sand from the beach in San Diego, matchbooks from our favorite restaurants. Memories.

Whenever I told him I loved him, he always said “I love you more”. And he did – he loved me more than anyone ever has and now I know what it’s like to be loved like that. He told me that I should always be with someone who loves me more.

And because of him, my standards are higher. I’ve had the kind of love I want and because of that, I know it’s out there. That’s why I always have hope. Even after all of the ridiculous excuses for dates I’ve been on in the two years since he and I broke up, I know that there is someone out there who will love me more.

I know because he loved me more.


Amanda said...

wait. are we the same person?

Sass said...

It's crapastic to quote myself and somewhat narsarcissitic in a My Space way but suck it.

"If you have a quarter inch of something, if even for a brief moment, you have a better chance of holding on to somehting real that's worth fighting for."

My mother is always telling me to stop looking for perfect and just look for Mr. Good Enough. I know what she's means by saying this but all the reason's you listed is why Mr. Good Enough simply won't do.

Happy Valentines Day Amber. Here's to hoping you find your Manber soon.

Girl Next Door said...

Don't you dare lower your standards! I won't let you. There are other guys out there like that, but there is NO ONE like you. Go get what you want and don't accept less!


Whinger said...

You can have it all. And "all" doesn't look the same for every person, so hold out for your own definition.

Cheryl said...

Amen! You shouldn't settle because you deserve someone who loves you more. Way to keep the faith.

dasi said...

I just don't get people who settle. And I wouldn't expect any less from you! ;) He's out there - somewhere... drunk, maybe?? HA!

tinyhands said...


Jonniker said...

How lovely for you, in many ways. As this is my first visit, I must ask: Am I allowed to post here even though I do not have a picture of myself looking somehow glamorous in my profile?

Jonniker said...

Oops. I forgot to finish. I mean that it really is lovely for you that you get it and get what you want: I've learned that knowing what you need/want is most of the battle. So you're already there, really, and patience is a good thing.

Okie said...

I think I had it once, too. A long, long time ago. I think. I was too young and stupid to realize how rare it was.

I know how you feel. Don't settle. I did once and you know how that turned out for me.

Jess Riley said...

That's beautiful! Isn't it a wonderful, "healthy" feeling to be in that place, looking back at the dating wreckage strewn behind?

Kendra said...

Look at my little optimist - I'm so proud of you for knowing what you want...and deserve.

Romeo Jensen said...

How come Im just now hearing about this guy... for months now I've been hanging on your everyword 'bout

History boy
Not date boy
Neighbor who's kid likes your kitties

Now... now Im hearing bout this guy??

Oh oh this is going to take therapy and at least 2... thas right... count them 2 Postings!!!! (not counting this one)

I want details

when u met
why u broke it off
how in the heck could there be another perfect man out there... obviiously he's danish

Two post Amber!!!
and a call from Dr. Phil


Hope said...

I have to agree with jonniker: knowing what you want is half the battle. Too many people have no idea what they're looking for and waste too much time dating worthless people. You have better things to do with your time - like boxing and playing Scrabble and blogging!

I hope you find it (him)!

Mr. Fabulous said...

NEVER settle. The peeps are right. He's out there. You deserve everything you are holding out for, and I am sure you will get it.

And I am not just sucking up because with all the boxing classes you can kick my ass...

crestfallendespairacy said...

sounds like a perfect love...You will find it again..
Love your site!!!

Happy hearts day!


Marissa said...

Amazing post!!!! Simply amazing.

Happy Valentines Day!


Whinger said...

Oh Romeo, you do not know what it is you've begun, the tale is so full of intrigue.

I vote for two entries based on Charles in Charge episodes, or, as the Beastie Boys (love them) refer to it: Chachi in Charge (sp?).

Nicole said...

Happy Valentine's Day, Amber!

Do not ever settle. Do not ever lower your standards. And do not ever lose hope. You DO deserve someone who will love you more. And it WILL happen for you.

I didn't always believe that, until it happened for me. And I know from my own three years of post-almost-perfect-long-term-relationship dating experience that it's rough out there, and that there are a lot of toads. But it's worth it when you finally find your prince -- and it's all that much sweeter because of the heartaches that, in the end, brought you to each other.

Romeo Jensen said...

Two... not gunna say it again... Parts One and Parts Deux!





Hale McKay said...

Nice post, and you will find a love like that again. Happy Valentine's Day.

Aliecat said...

I settled once, it wasn't pretty

Romeo Jensen said...

that would be one plus antoher one...
like... you do one and write,,, to be continued... then the next day you finsh it


Sandra said...

Every word of this post is so right.

C. said...

Amber, You are class in every way. You are gorgeous, compassionate, exciting, intelligent, you ARE what a guy should want in a woman. You should never lower your standards, in fact, increase them..
Love ya Babe!


Rico said...

You guys were probably like,

"I love you."

"No, I love you."

"Noo, I love you more."

"Nooo, I love you more."

"Mwa mwa mwa mwah!"

Linda said...

We always wonder why we are still single, being the fabulous gals that we are...but you've just answered our question. We won't settle. Putting up with the crap just isn't worth it - so we're single until then - until someone loves us more.

Romey - you're cracking me up!

The Other Half said...

don't settle...nobody should settle...and you're sooooo smart for knowing that you don't have to! mwah!!

Romeo Jensen said...

LOL rico... I could soooooo see that!

anyway.. your lack of posting today obviously means you're working on this TWO PART His story epic

I can wait

is it done yet?