Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Best Questions Ever

From Miladysa...

If you could perform a duet with anyone of your choice (past or present) who would you choose, what would you sing and where would you stage your performance?
That’s a really tough one. But I think I would choose to sing with Lea Salonga (the original Kim in Miss Saigon) in either a London or New York production of Miss Saigon. If you don’t know the story, it’s about a soldier (Chris) in Vietnam who falls in love with a prostitute (with a heart of gold) there and they get married. They are separated during the fall of Saigon and he thinks she is dead. Years later, after Chris has found a new wife, he finds out that Kim is not dead, and that she lives with their son in Bangkok. He and his wife, Ellen, go there, the two women (who don’t know about each other) meet accidentally and Kim realizes that Chris will never take his son to America where he could have a better life when Kim is still in the picture, so she kills herself. Anyway. The song we would sing is “I Still Believe” – it’s a duet between Kim and Ellen about how each believes that Chris will return to her (Kim) or share his tormented secrets (Ellen). It’s awesome.

Which bird would best describe you?
I would say I’m a parakeet. I can sing and talk non-stop and plus I would hop around and be really cute all the time.

Should drugs be legalised?
In general, no, but I would amend that statement for marijuana.

How do you picture your life 10 years from now?
Hopefully I will be a mom. In a perfect world, I would be staying home with my kids, but you never know. And I really hope that my parents are still around so that my kids will know how great their grandparents are. Oh, and I hope I’ll be married. Not to be all June Cleaver, but I’ve never been really interested in a career other than being a mom, so if the above happens, well, then I’ll have my perfect career as well.

If you were asked to re-write the dating bible ‘The Rules’ what would be your first six rules?
My Rules are for MEN to follow.

1. CALL. You would be surprised at how fragile women AREN’T. We would love to know that you don’t want to date us anymore, instead of tormenting ourselves, wondering if you might call today. Or tomorrow. Or the next day. I think that nine times out of ten, the reason girls turn all psycho is because guys are weenies and don’t call to end a relationship, they just don’t call. That’s much worse. So yeah. CALL.

2. Don’t have the “where are we talk” after two weeks. Especially when it’s abundantly clear that YOU don’t know where we are. Here’s what will happen – instead of helping you make a decision (which is what you’re trying to do, right?) you’ll do one of two things. 1) You’ll scare the girl away by looking desperate and needy, or 2) You’ll get the poor girl’s hopes up that you want to be her boyfriend, and then you’ll crush her by breaking Rule 1 when you decide you want to bail.

3. Leave your baggage at the door. Preferably, a door MILES away from my door. Don’t rush into thinking that you’re ready to move on and then have a pathetic breakdown, which leads you to the land of indecision about whether or not you want to be in the relationship at all. Which leads you to break Rule 2, which leads you to break Rule 1. See how this is like There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly?

4. If you have a serious girlfriend, don’t practice your flirting with just any girl in order to boost your delicate ego. Because some girls will take that seriously and think you want a relationship. Some girls will play along, just for the fun of it, but unless you’re REALLY PERCEPTIVE about who those girls are, well, the risk is bigger than the reward. Fatal Attraction is not just a little story made up by clever writers. If it was, then Lifetime would never have so many movies featuring scorned women. Naughty by Nature said it best – “You down with OPP?” Because if she isn’t, well, look for your story to be the next movie of the week. Because yes, girls can be psychos.

5. Don’t jump to conclusions about the status of your relationship. This may come as a shock to you, but just because you sleep with a girl doesn’t automatically mean that she’s planning your wedding. It could just mean that you slept together. If she calls you, it doesn’t mean that she’s trying to figure out your china pattern preferences, it just means she’s a phone talker. This is a difficult concept, but an important one. It is a tricky situation, because some women DO feel that way. However, as foreign as this may be to you, you should probably hold off on sleeping with a girl until you are sure about whether you want to hang around for a while. Just to avoid causing the really emotional ones to have a psychotic break. That’s never good.

6. Don’t be an ass. I know, it might be difficult, because often, it goes against your very nature. But being an ass is not to your advantage. You may have heard that girls like bad boys, or that nice guys finish last. Maybe. But the KIND of girls who like bad boys are not the kind of girls you want to be with anyway. And once those girls grow up, they will realize that the behavior that they once thought was “edgy” has now turned into behavior better described as “childish” or “annoying.” Also, if you’re a generally nice guy, but feel as if you need to play games so that she’ll want you more, well, that’s going to backfire. She’ll get sick of your shit and kick you to the curb before you can show your true, non-ass self. Be genuine. That’s all.


Miladysa said...

Absolutely Fabulous Darling!

Miss Saigon, nice :)

The AmberRules - you should publish them. NO 3 should be compulsory!!

Miladysa said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ariel1980 said...

"You are sunlight, and I moon, joined by the g-ds of fortune, midnight and high noon".

Ahh, sharing the sky. I was listening to the Broadway cast recording Sunday morning while getting ready to go out for lunch. I love that you love this.

The Husband said...

those are some interesting rules...perhaps someone should come up with the same for girls.

dasi said...

I really need to expand my musical horizons. I just can’t afford to see the musicals. I think the last one I saw was “Annie” when I was 10. Whoops, I forgot – I did see “Mama Mia” a couple years ago – does that count?? Whatever. Someday when I am rich I will make a list of all the Broadway shows I want to see and actually see them ON Broadway. That would be cool.

Anyway – I like your rules, too. Even though I have completely given up on finding a man who even comes CLOSE to following any. Let me say it again… “Cat Lady.” Yup, that seems to be my destiny.

Cheryl said...

I love your rules. #1 just reminded me of Carrie in Sex and the City lecturing guys on not being weenies.

And I love that duet, love the whole show.

FigEqualsGood said...

I'd sing with Neil Diamond. That man can croon like no one else. I penguin I guess cause neither one of us can fly. Yes, legalize the Mary Jane. It's no worse that booze and we can direct the police to concentrate on more violent crimes. In 10 years I'll probably be smoking legal pot and singing "Forever in Blue Jeans" at some Kareokee bar.

My one dating pet peev is using the "I'll call you" line at the end of a date and not really meaning it. I tried the blunt, "Well...I had a nice time. Good Night." line twice and it was extremely uncomfortable for both of us. Honest, but uncomfortable. I'm back to the call you line.

Hope said...

Love the rules! I like, "you would be surprised at how fragile women AREN'T" It reminds me of a Barenaked Ladies song, "Break Your Heart," about a guy who's afraid to break up with a woman because he doesn't want to hurt her, but she's all, "I'm not that weak!" and really I think it's just a song about how lazy and selfish guys are.

Kiki said...

Nice answers! I hope for the housewife thing too. What could be better?!?

I've never seen Miss Saigon but now I really want to!