Friday, September 02, 2005

Worst. Liar. Ever.

My brother thinks he’s sneaky, but he really isn’t. I told my mom I was writing this because of the lie he got caught in yesterday, and I needed some other stories about when he got caught in a lie. Because he’s a bad liar. She informed me that there’s no such thing as a good liar, because liars aren’t good. Ok, mom – he’s an INEFFECTIVE liar.

Case in point: he left a message for my mom yesterday that said “hey, I ran into my old buddy Anthony, and so we’re going to go get some dinner after I finish working.” Ok, fine, whatever.

My dad plays basketball on Thursday nights. He has since 1975. Oftentimes, he and the guys go out for beers at the Old Chicago by our house after they play. So he’s there last night, and who should be there? My brother, with his old buddy Anthony. If by “old buddy Anthony” you mean “a girl.” So Tim, Tip #1: If you’re going to lie about who you’re with, maybe you should go somewhere with them outside of a one mile radius of our house. Especially since it’s Thursday and that’s ALWAYS the Old C’s that dad goes to.

My parents go out of town and my mom tells him specifically “no girls in the house.” She tells me “maybe you could unexpectedly show up sometime and make sure no girls are there.” I’m like “what do I look like, the KGB? No.” Also, for one, I don’t care if he has a girl over, and two, if he does, I certainly don’t want to walk in on something that could potentially be burned in my brain for all time. And not in a good way. Thanks, but I’ll pass.

So my parents come home and my mom is collecting laundry and she finds a cardigan in his room. My brother wears some weird stuff, but this is clearly not his. She asks me if it’s mine. I said no – and now you see where this is going. He’s like “Christie left it in my car and I brought it in.” And my mom’s like “Right. You forget to bring in your paychecks, but you brought in the sweater.” Tip #2: If you’re going to have a girl over, make sure she takes all her clothes home with her when she leaves.

My brother was in elementary school, and he was walking home with some friends. My mom sees him coming through our backyard with our neighbors and this teenager, who Tim said had been harassing him the whole way home. The teenager said that Tim called some lady a bitch while he was walking home, but Tim denied that up and down. So my mom called the four kids he’d been walking with and asked them, and every single one of them said “Yeah, he called her that.” Story: shot down. Tip #3: Get your story straight. If there are other people involved in the lie, make sure they know about it.

My brother has been a constant source of amusement almost since the day he was born. While I would sometimes get bummed that we didn’t grow up together because I’m almost nine years older than him, I wouldn’t trade the fact that I have so many more memories of him than I would have otherwise. Seriously, that kid was unintentionally hilarious all the time. Now he’s funny on purpose, only with less hijinks.

Happy 21st Birthday little brother – I love you!

*This picture was taken last summer when we were building houses in Mexico. My brother is 7 inches taller than me, so I'm lucky to be in the picture at all, since he's holding the camera*

23 comments:

Nicole said...

Happy birthday, Tim!

Great stories, Amber. Younger sibling stories are truly a bottomless well of comic inspiration.

Have a fun long weekend!

Free iPods said...
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beckibee said...

You HAVE to post about his velocorapter days!!! Beware, he travels in packs...

I cannot believe he's 21.

trish said...

its not just your bro, i think all men have this problem. their brain power just cant seem to think more than a nanosecond into the future...

Happy bday Tim!

Marie said...

Happy Birthday to your brother!! I loved reading your post on him. How funny that he is such a bad, or ineffective liar. ;-)

I love my younger brother to pieces and could write much stuff about him. LOL

Stephanie said...

Happy Happy Birthday Tim!

Amber, those are some great stories. How absolutely funny! I have no siblings, so to hear about every one else's siblings' antics is always a treat!

Kiki said...

Awww that's such a sweet story! And hilarious! Your brother really does need to sharpen his fibbing skills.

Happy birthday Tim, it's all down hill from here. Just kidding!!!

Beth said...

I wish you'd stop insisting that he's older than 8.

Stephanie said...

You know, I was just talking with someone about this same thing the other day: Why is it that as we get older, we insist that our best friends' siblings never grow any older than the age they were when we met them? Honestly, even to this day when I see my friends brothers and sisters, I slip into shock on account of how grown up they all seem to be.

Thomas said...

The best is gullible siblings. My sister actually believed me when I said crop circles were made by aliens. I told her this this year - she is 30.

Cheryl said...

That's so funny! I am a horrible liar, but I know it so I don't even try.

Ariel1980 said...

Oh, what a wonderful story. Sometimes I wish I had had siblings so that I might have similar memories, but ah well! I can live vicariously through yours.

still_figuring_out said...

happy b`day to your bro. and what sweet, yet funny memories you have of him :) i have a sis and my what stories she will make.

Jenn said...

Haha, aren't brothers the best?

The Husband said...

i'm the youngest in my family so i can totally relate to your brother.

Alice said...

aww... i love when younger sibs get caught it really bad lies!! my sister one time insisted that her preschool class re-enacted a scene from her favorite movie in honor of her, with the boys carrying her around on their shoulders while they all sang. she threw a temper tantrum when my mom told her she had to stop making up stories so much :-)

Hope said...

So funny, especially since last week I posted about my little brother, also named Tim, who is 9 and a half years younger than me!

J.Morgan said...

Cute picture of the two of you. He looks a bit like Stephen Baldwin....

Amanda said...

this is a fantastic post. i love sibling stories. my sibs and i aren't that close in age either (in fact my brother will turn 21 in a few weeks too!!) i love your collection of stories.

undercover celebrity said...

I LOVE that this was your birthday tribute to him. So funny!

Timmortal said...

Let's go slacker. Write some more. We need to know

Chief Slacker said...

Yeah, I think it might be a good idea for him to give up on the whole lying bit. Not so "effective" hehe

Chris said...

those stories sound like me, minus getting caught. My brother is a goodie goodie, my sister on the other hand is a different story..... happy b-day