Monday, January 30, 2006

In lieu of something witty.

I got nothin’. No funny stories, no topless pictures, no witty. I mean, I have tons of stuff to write about, and I might, but that’s not the stuff that gets posted. I admire people like Cheryl and Tim because they talk about things that are hard for them and they express it so well. Marissa and Sass also have a way with words and can talk about their feelings honestly. Dasi tells wrenching stories from her past and is also really honest.

I’m not that person. Don’t get me wrong – I’m real and I’m genuine and I'm honest, and in real life, I would probably let you in – maybe too much. But on here, it’s easier and safer for me to keep some things to myself. In fact, it’s not just here – in my real life, I keep a lot to myself because I don’t like to show what I perceive in myself to be weakness. I don’t like to be dependent on anyone else. So there are lots of things that I don’t talk about. The hard things. The sad things. The things that occupy my head and that I use this blog to forget about. The things that make me wish I didn’t live alone.

I love living alone, but the thing that is hard for me is that I miss being touched. I am a touchy feely person – I will hug you and sit close to you and snuggle you and lay my head on your shoulder. I want someone who I can do all of that with and not have to even talk if I don’t want to. Because sometimes I can’t. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that I literally can’t. And the people that I can’t talk to are the ones that I want to talk to the most.

So yeah. Today I have no funny stories. Today I just don’t have a lot of words.

25 comments:

Cheryl said...

You can talk or not talk to me anytime. Although given the distance between us, I would prefer the talking...

It's difficult to share some of the things I do, especially my doozy last week. But sometimes i get to the point where I just have to. It's my way of getting past things. But writing and blogging are different things to different people. Whatever it is to you Amber, you're damn good at it, and you have shared yourself here. That's why you have so many blog buds.

beckibee said...

Wish I was there to give you a hug! Call me whenever you like, darlin.

Hope said...

Damn Amber, are we the same person? You just put into words some of the things I've been feeling. I think my blog comes across as me being way more secure than I actually am. Last week I was trying to come up with a way to post about this, but I just dropped it because it felt too personal. All the while I've been fooling myself into thinking my blog IS personal.

But if you ever DO want to talk about those things, you know where to find me.

Okie said...

That's why I haven't told anyone I know about my blog. Posting anonymously to a bunch of people I'll probably never see allows me to be more open and honest.

Timmortal said...

Not alot of words? YOU? Okay, I'll lay off...i hope you feel better.

Timmortal said...

Not alot of words? YOU? Okay, I'll lay off...i hope you feel better.

Leesa said...

You and me both, sweetie. Not many words today from me as well.

Whinger said...

That's what the Inspector is FOR.

Sandra said...

WOW, I could have written this post too. I never blog about anything deeply personal or painful - I admire those who do, but I tend to stay on 'safe' topics: happy thoughts, a few feisty opinions, my dog... and as for living alone - yes same here. Exactly.

Jenn said...

We can touch eachother. Or no? (I promise I'm straight)

Let's go on a hunt for our blogging mojos. Those bitches left without permission. Plus, I think you're right and it sounds like they're having fun!

Alice said...

ah. yes. serious blogs. i've heard of them. does "bitching and whining" count? cause otherwise, yeah... me + emotions = not likely to be seen by many. some people think i'm flippant and shallow because they don't see the rough tortured etc emotions from me. that's cause when i share them, it makes them worse for me. like acknowledging them by sharing w/others makes them real. denial? maybe. and now, back to pretending everything is fine ;-)

Romeo Jensen said...

wow... that could have been my post... ever notice how very little I actually reveal about myself :)

If blogger peeps knew all my flaws they wouldnt want to read me LOL

whoops... just farted

Sass said...

Thanks for the shout out. I understand about not having a lot of words. I'm realizing your way might be better. My date actually asked me about my blog yesterday. WTF? WTF? WTF? How the hell did he know? WTF?

If you want words you can type out WTF for me over and over.

And the holding thing..yeah i get that.

Amanda said...

the words will come back. in one way or another

Jenn said...

Yot got mail...

C. said...

I think a hug is definately required here so here's mine comin at cha.. : )

C.

Marie said...

I understand completely. I don't like to write about certain things in my life either...especially the sad stuff or the stuff that shows what I'm insecure about. I feel the same way about living alone. I love it but sometimes I miss having that regular, consistent human contact and the physical touch.

Marissa said...

I have difficulty sharing things with people in person, but for some reason it comes easy to me on my blog. I think that's part of the reason I love blogging so much - I find it so cathartic. But in real life, forget it. It doens't come so easily. I also live alone, and I too and a touchy-feely-huggy person. it definitely gets hard sometimes...

Mr. Fabulous said...

I'm the same way, I like to keep it light, and if I talk about anything serious, it does not usually concern me personally.

After all, I need to save some things for my therapist!

Kendra said...

I am roughly 2.5 minutes away any time a hug is required. Don't forget that.

Kiki said...

I think that you express yourself very uniquely here. Share what you want, when you want. Everyone is here to help!

Paul said...

There are ways to hug yourself. It looks weird, and I wouldn't want to do it in public, but still. There are ways.

The Husband said...

i think i'm getting rid of my blog.

Miladysa said...

(((Hugs)))

Kyahgirl said...

oh geez Amber, I haven't been around for a bit. I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

big 'ol cyber hug flyin' your way

((((((A)))))))