After reading Kendra’s blog Friday and then Rico’s HI-LARIOUS comment, it reminded me of a story.
You may remember I've mentioned Guy With The Hottest Ass Ever, who works at my office building. He actually works in my suite, and I would often see him when I was on my way to the bathroom or to get water, and it was AWESOME to walk behind him. The typical scenario would be Marlene and I walking somewhere, he’s in front of us, she and I exchange meaningful glances and once we’re out the door we’re like “DAMN.” Oh to be a pair of jeans…
SO. As time passed, and I actually talked to him one time when we were outside during a fire drill (it sounds so high school crush-y – “Ohmygod! We totally talked during the fire drill! He’s so hot!” Although in retrospect I shouldn’t joke about that because the guy I had an ENORMOUS crush on when I was a junior asked me to prom during a fire drill. I’m sorry. What were we taking about?) I decided that his ass was definitely his best feature. He was sorta "meh" in the looks department, not that witty and also his voice was kind of grating. I’m not going to lie – those issues diminished the hotness of his ass.
However, not to be a guy or anything but let’s be honest – despite the above mentioned (VERY IMPORTANT and NOT AT ALL SHALLOW) reasons I wasn’t that attracted to him, the fact remains that I did, at one time, totally want to hit that. Then one morning, as I was backing up, attempting to straighten out my lame parking, I almost hit him. And not in a good way. I mean really, who takes their life in their hands walking behind a car with REVERSE LIGHTS on first thing in the morning? I couldn’t believe it. Of the one meeeellion people who work at my freaking office building, HE was the one I almost ran down. Couldn’t. Believe it. I guess I don’t have to tell you how awkward it was later when I saw him. I was like “hey, sorry I almost totally ran you over this morning.” I can’t remember what he said back, mostly because I was trying to get the hell out of there as fast as possible.
Luckily, the company moves people’s offices all the time and they moved him and his group at the beginning of December. I never have to endure the awkwardness again. And while I may occasionally mourn the loss of the sweet-ass visual (pun totally intended), well, I’m over it.