Monday, January 09, 2006

I'd totally hit that

After reading Kendra’s blog Friday and then Rico’s HI-LARIOUS comment, it reminded me of a story.

You may remember I've mentioned Guy With The Hottest Ass Ever, who works at my office building. He actually works in my suite, and I would often see him when I was on my way to the bathroom or to get water, and it was AWESOME to walk behind him. The typical scenario would be Marlene and I walking somewhere, he’s in front of us, she and I exchange meaningful glances and once we’re out the door we’re like “DAMN.” Oh to be a pair of jeans…

SO. As time passed, and I actually talked to him one time when we were outside during a fire drill (it sounds so high school crush-y – “Ohmygod! We totally talked during the fire drill! He’s so hot!” Although in retrospect I shouldn’t joke about that because the guy I had an ENORMOUS crush on when I was a junior asked me to prom during a fire drill. I’m sorry. What were we taking about?) I decided that his ass was definitely his best feature. He was sorta "meh" in the looks department, not that witty and also his voice was kind of grating. I’m not going to lie – those issues diminished the hotness of his ass.

However, not to be a guy or anything but let’s be honest – despite the above mentioned (VERY IMPORTANT and NOT AT ALL SHALLOW) reasons I wasn’t that attracted to him, the fact remains that I did, at one time, totally want to hit that. Then one morning, as I was backing up, attempting to straighten out my lame parking, I almost hit him. And not in a good way. I mean really, who takes their life in their hands walking behind a car with REVERSE LIGHTS on first thing in the morning? I couldn’t believe it. Of the one meeeellion people who work at my freaking office building, HE was the one I almost ran down. Couldn’t. Believe it. I guess I don’t have to tell you how awkward it was later when I saw him. I was like “hey, sorry I almost totally ran you over this morning.” I can’t remember what he said back, mostly because I was trying to get the hell out of there as fast as possible.

Luckily, the company moves people’s offices all the time and they moved him and his group at the beginning of December. I never have to endure the awkwardness again. And while I may occasionally mourn the loss of the sweet-ass visual (pun totally intended), well, I’m over it.

22 comments:

Timmortal said...

Doh, for a minute there I thought you were having a completely guy moment and admitting that at times, women dont want to talk either, they just wanna hit that ass. Holla.

Rico said...

Taking that term 'hit that ass' to a whole nother level. BEEP BEEP!

Sandra said...

"those issues diminished the hotness of his ass" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Hope said...

Ha Ha, I love the line "I almost hit him. And not in a good way." Cracked me up!

C. said...

For a second there I thought you were talking about me.. Then you got to the point where his voice was fucked up and meh in the face, then I knew you weren't... :)

Holla at cha fxzqoh

C.

beckibee said...

If I had a nickel for everytime I had to say, "hey, sorry I almost totally ran over you"...

Girl Next Door said...

Guys, asses, "hit it" the ultimate post!

GNDTX

Cheryl said...

It's good that despite his voice,looks, and lack of wit, you could still appreciate his ass...even though you almost ran it over.

Whinger said...

I hate when the face doesn't match the body. It's very disconcerting.

Alice said...

hee... also the commenty thing says "back me up" ! like.. you almost backed up INTO him! oh the puntasticness... um, is it 5:00 yet?

i am pleased to report that i have never (nearly or fully) run over a crush. thank goodness for small miracles.

dasi said...

I had my foot run over by a guy I was (kinda) dating once. You know, that would make an interesting blog, come to think of it...

You crack me up, though, Amber - daily. I loved this!

The Zombie Lama said...

Ah yes, a perfect ass can make up for many character flaws, but a grating voice and "meh" looks can indeed kill it quick.

Okie said...

This reminded me of that old country song "Baby's Got Her Bluejeans On". Remember that one?
"They all stop, and they, stare until she's gone"

I know, I'm effing weird.

Marissa said...

oh that is TOO funny!!!! classic. you almost ran over the finest ass you've ever seen. :)

Kyahgirl said...

you are such a guy today Amber!!!

Marie said...

Hahaha! I can appreciate a fine ass. I'm sure that the view of his will be missed. ;)

Pieces of Me said...

LMAo glad you dont have to deal with the awkwardness but Im sure you miss seeing that fine ass LOL...And im feeling you on the James Blunt song thats why its on my blog!! TTYL

Miladysa said...

Ohhh! One of those you just have to slap eh? ;)

The Other Half said...

oh amber!! what if you would have deformed his ass if you hit him!! women everywhere would hate you! ;-)~

My new Blog!

Jenn said...

You almost backed over that ass!

I'm not an ass kinda gal, unless it's bare and buff. Otherwise, I usually don't care. Not an issue. I'm an abs kinda gal. Rawr. We are NOT shallow! Don't listen to anyone that says so.

Seriously Amber, you fucking rock! I've yet to read something non-entertaining from you. I heart Amber!

The Husband said...

i didn't think girls use the term "hit that".

Kellie said...

I adore that you are a guy, just like me.

Sorry for your loss of the fine ass.