Ok, so Monday night I’m making dinner and History Boy calls. He says he’s on his way to an appointment, but that he wondered if I could meet him at his place for drinks at 8:30. I sort of responded unenthusiastically, but said I would. I could tell by the tone of his voice that something was up, and it was at that moment I was sure I was getting the big blow off.
I showed up at his house, and much to my surprise, he had stopped and gotten wine – two bottles, because he knows I like white wine better than red. Stock: rising, ever so slightly. We got our glasses and went out on his patio. Hanging out, talking, drinking wine – it was all very “the usual” but finally I was like “so what did you want to tell me?” He looked surprised for a second and said “What?” I said “You want to tell me something, right?” And he said “Yeah – I do. It’s nothing big though.” To which I was thinking “either he’s NOT blowing me off or he thinks that telling me we shouldn’t see each other any more is ‘nothing big.’”
He stumbles around trying to phrase what he wants to say (which again I’m thinking canNOT bode well) and finally comes out with it. And it’s pretty much exactly what I said it was in Monday’s post. He was like “I’m not in a position right now where I’m ready for a serious relationship, and I don’t want to lead you on into thinking that I am. I think we could maybe have a future and so I want to be honest with you about that.” I was like “I’m not trying to be all ‘oh, this is getting serious’ or ‘hey, I’m your girlfriend’ because I really don’t feel that way.” So we went on and discussed the stuff I wanted to, and I can’t believe I was right about so much stuff. That NEVER happens. I was right about the phone thing – he thought that the fact that I’d call him or send him text messages was because I was getting all girlfriendy, and so I set him straight on that. I was right about his connotation of the whole “what are you doing?” and I say “nothing” conversation, and so I set him straight in that regard too. I told him that while I do not expect to be at the top of his priority list, I also have expectations. Don’t call me at the end of the week to tell me you want to see me, but that you have too many other plans. Don’t mention that you want to see me on such and such a day and then not call on said day. I told him that I was irritated by those things, and he understood that. Once I explained that I wasn’t trying to trap him into being the father of my children – RIGHT THIS MINUTE, he started to relax a little.
You see, it seems that his last girlfriend was a bit of a psycho. If by “a bit” you mean “a raving lunatic who he once had to call the police on.” She was really controlling and jealous and would snoop through his stuff trying to find out what he wasn’t telling her. So now that he’s out of that, he is going to the other extreme and doing exactly what he wants, when he wants. And that includes freaking out a little if he thinks by my calling or wanting to know things like, oh, if we have plans, I want to control what he does. Which I don’t, obviously. And which I reiterated to him. More than once.
So when I left, I feel like things were resolved – for now. It was established that he likes me, I like him, we like spending time together and therefore we will continue to do so. And I told him that drama and game is NOT something I’m the least bit interested in.
That being said, I also will NOT be calling or sending him any messages – he says he wants me to, and that he likes them, but for right now, he can like the memory of them. If he wants to see me, that’s fine, I’ll see him and not play the game of “oh maybe, if I’m available,” because that’s stupid and pointless. But I also won’t change my plans for him. I told him I’m pretty mellow as long as he’s up front with me and tells me what’s going on. Because the stuff I make up in my head is usually about 85 times worse than the real thing, no question.
I’m pretty good about giving people the benefit of the doubt, maybe to a fault. If I feel that someone’s good qualities outweigh the bad and that the reason(s) behind their behavior is due to a recent experience, well, I’ll cut them some slack. History Boy still has some slack left. For now.