Ok, so I know they call this ridiculous situation I’m in the dating “game,” but I’d like to amend that order to “dating, minus the game.” I'd also like my salad dressing on the side, if you could.
I know, everyone says that they just want a relationship with no games and no drama. If that’s really the case, then please, for the love of god, STOP RUNNING GAME. If you like me, great, let’s hang out. If not, great, just tell me so I can stop wondering if you’re going to call. I’m not a fragile flower whose world will crumble if things between us don’t work out. I cry every week at “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” but if you’re going to continue to be a jackass, trust me, I won’t be crying when you’re gone.
Now, the reason I say this is that History Boy is playing some sort of game. We have a good time together, things are decidedly less awkward than at the beginning and seem to get better as time goes on. However, he does stuff that seems like he’s not that into me. Yes, I’ve read the book. For example, he puts off making weekend plans with me. Like this -- we were supposed to go out the night before he went to London, and he told me early in the week that it might not work out because his parents were coming in that evening and staying with him. So Friday morning he says he’s still not sure when they’re getting there, but he’ll call me as soon as he knows. He called at almost 7, and it was to tell me that he couldn’t go out. Whatever – I totally knew that would happen and so I was already two glasses of wine into a great evening at Sally & Joe’s. But it was irritating for two reasons – one is that you better not think I’m going to be cool with you blowing me off at 7 on a Friday evening, because that’s just rude, and two, if you liked someone, wouldn’t you want to see them before you left town for a week? Anyway, I decided to wait and see what happened when he got home.
He got back on a Saturday night and called me on Sunday. I saw him that Monday, and we had a good evening. We talked via text on Tuesday, and then he called me on Thursday night to tell me that he wanted to see me over the weekend, but that he had plans on Friday and Saturday -- maybe Sunday would work? Ok, fine, but again, pushing the envelope with the Thursday night call. He actually ended up coming over Friday night and we hung out and then fell asleep until about noon on Saturday. He left, things were great, not “wheird” at all, and I haven’t heard from him since. I sent him a text on Saturday night to see if we were going to do something Sunday, and I STILL haven’t heard from him.
Mind you, I’m not upset about this – I’m not like “what if he doesn’t call, what if he doesn’t like me” because I know he’ll call. I’m irritated because he seems to think that this sort of behavior is just fine. It’s not. Dude, here’s the thing. I realize that your job is demanding – you just started at a private law firm, they expect you to put in the hours, fine, whatever. I know we’re just “dating” and therefore I don’t expect to be put at the top of your list of priorities. But I also think we need to have a little sit-down about the basic expectations around common courtesy. I like to talk on the phone – I talk to my friends pretty much every day, even if it’s just a message or a quick “hey, what’s up?” If you aren’t the every day checker-in guy, all you have to do is tell me and I’ll be fine with that. Do I want to see you? Sure. Are you worried that if we talk or see each other too much, I might think that we’re dating exclusively? Because if that’s the case, maybe I should let you know – I’m also dating someone else. Are you worried that when I say I’m not doing anything on Saturday night it’s because I’m lonely and sad and have nothing to do? Actually, it’s because I just haven’t figured out what I’m doing. Ask Kendra – whenever she asks what I’m doing, I always say “nothing.” Are you scared that I might be getting emotionally attached to you because I’m a girl and that’s what girls do? Uh, no. Remember how I told you that I’ve dated a lot of jerks in the recent past and so I have the guard up pretty high? It’s still up. And you have the added bonus of screwing me over before, and while I’m not holding that against you, I’m also being pretty cautious, just in case.
I’m not trying to have the whole “where do we stand” relationship talk – I don’t want or need that, because I’m still not sure if I have potential long-term feelings for him. I mean, I do like him, but it’s only been about a month, and I also couldn’t make a decision right now as to which of the two boys I like more. In fact, if this game continues, he’s going to keep plummeting in my mental ratings, while Boy 2’s stock is on the way up. All I’m asking is for a little bit more consideration in the respect and common courtesy department. Am I right? Am I wrong?
Oh, and also, you might check out my stick drawing of Alice getting attacked by a rooster...
18 comments:
When their stock crashes, I abandon them. Of course, I'm still single so what the hell do I know? My thing is this: just do what you say you're going to do.
I like Bachelor #2 more anyway. :)
P.S. Way to get back on the horse!
sooooooooooo right!!! i felt like saying ALL of that this morning to an ex when he called at 8 am!!! and then proceede to tell me things felt just like they always do...when i haven't heard from him in...who knows how long???? i felt like telling him to kiss my ass
I don't know why it has to be so much of a pain in the ass. If only the games would just stop. I hear you on everything you just wrote. I have been with guys who supposedly want to see or spend time with me but will disappear for days or weeks and come back in full force out of the blue. By that time it's too late. Ugh.
You are SO right! Ugh! I know just what you mean! I recently got out of a similar type of situation - I hate that boys think that just because we're girls we're going to get so emotionally attached and want to marry them and have their babies! Do they not realize we're MORE than capable of playing the field, too? And that some of us actually LIKE doing that?! Instead, they play these ridiculous games to keep us arm's length away, and while they think they're doing their part to make sure we don't get too close, all they're really doing is pushing us away! It's rude, and you totally deserve better. He better shape up, or you're gonna ship him out!
I do believe he's used up all his chances. Ah well.
courtesy is him showing as much respect for your time as his own. Many attorneys seem to have a mindset about their time vs your time. The H@#$ with him! Live your life and if he fits in great if not, so be it! That is exactly how you are being treated here and I think it is appropriate to reciprocate. Let him know you expect to be more than just "convenient"
Sorry, this one hits a sore point for me
you are in a very interesting situation. i'm curious to see how this works out.
male thought process: "hmm, i really like this girl. except, i can't let her know that, because her womb is just aching for a baby. i know how these women are. if i act too into her, i'll be roped into procreating before i know it. i'll just blow her off a couple times so she knows she shouldn't get knocked up yet. yeah.. good plan, me!!"
You are totally in the right. I hate those stupid "dating games". It's such crap. If people could just be themselves and stop putting on so many fronts then maybe it would be easier to find the one.
Unfortunately, as you know, I have been getting TOO MANY damn calls. (Though not recently, thank God) I don't understand the male species, nor do I really care to. I'd rather be an independent woman who doesn't bow and scrape for anyone. Yet men don't seem to get that.
Keep playing the field, Amber - have fun and don't settle until it is on YOUR terms. Personally, I am looking to buy an old Victorian home and lots of cats.
men are infuriating! seriously...i have recently developed this jadedness and i don't like it because i never used to feel this way. i hate the dating game, too. good to know i'm not alone in my frustration. especially in the desire to tell the guy that "i don't care!"
My mother always told me that you have to teach people how to treat you.
I am not sure if this will help, but I know I have gone back to it when I am at a loss. It works for any kind of relationship (work, friendship, dating). The trick is to figure out exactly what you want and what you do not want and then how to get the message across.
Someone needs to learn some manners, cause that is just so rude. I mean I think it's rude behavior whether you're talking dating, friends, family, whatever.
Tell us about Bachelor #2!
I guess as long as neither uses "ain't" it's a good start.
P.S. - I *love* the cartoon drawing you made of Alice. LOL
You know what I think is hilarious, is that we women on a regular basis in our regular man-bashing sessions usually start with something like, "Men are soooo D U M B!!!" But the reality is, as Marissa pointed out, men are actually pretty intelligent calculating creatures (for the most part). They DO go over things in thier heads like "what is the best strategy to keep her around, yet at arms length so she doesn't get TOO close"? And then they plan thier phone calls, thier visits, and even what they SAY to us based on the aforementioned thought process. But there is an upside to all of this: men who don't play games DO exist. We usually just have to all weed through the crap first before we find one.
You will not like me for saying this BUT "push him off the cliff" you will feel better and it might knock a bit of sense into him.
Bleah! I just broke it off with a game player! Who are these men and why don't they wear signs, or at least grow horns?
Why, oh, why do we put up with these jackholes? I'm sorry that you're dealing with some dating game drama. It may not make you feel any better, but you are certainly not alone.
Your current situation only confirms my theory that all the good ones are either married or gay.
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