Somebody's got a case of the Mondays...

…and it’s lasted for like a week.

Straight up, I’m a mess. Work sucks more than usual, mostly because we’re living in a constant state of “will we/won’t we.” Meaning will we or won’t we continue to exist. Which of course means that the same questions are applied to my job – will I have one? Won’t I? Who the fuck knows.

Of course, then I start to worry about finding a new job. I know I could easily find A job, but the problem becomes finding a job that will pay the bills. I mean, none of us WANT the organization to go under, but my boss is wealthy, and so she’ll be fine. Marlene would maybe be ok, because at least she has a husband whose income they can fall back on. Me? I got nothin’. I mean, nothin’ besides a mortgage and the usual bills associated with living alone. I would fall back on my Imaginary Boyfriend, however, his imaginary job pays him imaginary money, which we’ve found is NOT accepted at most places. See how I can maybe come up with a sad little lame joke through all of the crying?

Yes, crying. I’m one of those people who cries for pretty much every occasion. Happy, sad, scared, confused, mad, anxious – there’s gonna be crying. I used to give Beth the hardest time in elementary school because she cried all the time. And now, who’s the big baby? Yup – it’s me.

The stupid part about all this is that I always hate being “that girl.” That girl who has a ton of great things in her life but is all “waaaahhhhh things aren’t going my way right this very minute.” I do NOT like that girl. I hate being that girl who cries if someone looks at her wrong, because I’m not one who likes to let EVERYONE see that I’m not happy. I know, from this post, you wouldn’t know it, right?

I’m basically writing this because this stupid situation and all of its octopus arms has consumed my life for over a week now. You know, octopus arms? When one thing goes wrong, everything goes wrong? Work is miserable. I have to struggle to make it here so I can sit in my office and send out resumes and deal with the palpable cloud of depression that threatens to choke all of us. And yet, I also have to pretend that everything is fine JUST FINE, DAMMIT. I don’t want to talk to anyone and I don’t want to see anyone. I’d really just prefer to stay in my pajamas on my couch watching t.v. all day, so if someone could arrange that for me while still making sure the bills got paid, well, THAT would be GREAT.

And while being alone really doesn't bother me most of the time, it's times like this when I wish that I had a boyfriend to be here and be supportive and just be a warm body to snuggle up to when I feel like I do right now.

And so ends the pathetic blog pity party where I've shown everyone my completely weak side. Great. Yes, much to my chagrin, today, I’m “that girl.” Ugh.