Monday, August 29, 2005

Somebody's got a case of the Mondays...

…and it’s lasted for like a week.

Straight up, I’m a mess. Work sucks more than usual, mostly because we’re living in a constant state of “will we/won’t we.” Meaning will we or won’t we continue to exist. Which of course means that the same questions are applied to my job – will I have one? Won’t I? Who the fuck knows.

Of course, then I start to worry about finding a new job. I know I could easily find A job, but the problem becomes finding a job that will pay the bills. I mean, none of us WANT the organization to go under, but my boss is wealthy, and so she’ll be fine. Marlene would maybe be ok, because at least she has a husband whose income they can fall back on. Me? I got nothin’. I mean, nothin’ besides a mortgage and the usual bills associated with living alone. I would fall back on my Imaginary Boyfriend, however, his imaginary job pays him imaginary money, which we’ve found is NOT accepted at most places. See how I can maybe come up with a sad little lame joke through all of the crying?

Yes, crying. I’m one of those people who cries for pretty much every occasion. Happy, sad, scared, confused, mad, anxious – there’s gonna be crying. I used to give Beth the hardest time in elementary school because she cried all the time. And now, who’s the big baby? Yup – it’s me.


The stupid part about all this is that I always hate being “that girl.” That girl who has a ton of great things in her life but is all “waaaahhhhh things aren’t going my way right this very minute.” I do NOT like that girl. I hate being that girl who cries if someone looks at her wrong, because I’m not one who likes to let EVERYONE see that I’m not happy. I know, from this post, you wouldn’t know it, right?

I’m basically writing this because this stupid situation and all of its octopus arms has consumed my life for over a week now. You know, octopus arms? When one thing goes wrong, everything goes wrong? Work is miserable. I have to struggle to make it here so I can sit in my office and send out resumes and deal with the palpable cloud of depression that threatens to choke all of us. And yet, I also have to pretend that everything is fine JUST FINE, DAMMIT. I don’t want to talk to anyone and I don’t want to see anyone. I’d really just prefer to stay in my pajamas on my couch watching t.v. all day, so if someone could arrange that for me while still making sure the bills got paid, well, THAT would be GREAT.

And while being alone really doesn't bother me most of the time, it's times like this when I wish that I had a boyfriend to be here and be supportive and just be a warm body to snuggle up to when I feel like I do right now.

And so ends the pathetic blog pity party where I've shown everyone my completely weak side. Great. Yes, much to my chagrin, today, I’m “that girl.” Ugh.

43 comments:

Kiki said...

Awww sweetie! I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this!!! It can be really rough when financial concerns start to play up. Maybe you should get a donate button on your blog!!! Hey--it's an idea. I know how you're feeling though (in other ways) I've been rather down for the last week too. Ask Cody. He probably thinks I'm a raving, crying, psychotic lunatic that just escaped the nut house.

Bill said...
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allison said...

ummm just so you know........when i can't find something to wear i sit in the corner of my closet and cry.

Bamse said...
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The Other Half said...

go ahead...have your pity party...we all do...in fact...i'm scheduling mine for thursday or friday...

Jerome Jackson said...
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raw food diet dude said...
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Friends of McDougal said...

All these spams make me cry ... just a little ... because I'm on a bunch of pills and shit.

When I was working a shrimp boat in Pensacola with my old pal, McDougal, we never knew if the business was going to be around from one day to the next.

It was a rough season, which didn't help, but the fact that McDougal was eating nearly 94% of our catch every day made it even harder.

You know what I did to make it through that tough time?

Well, I mean aside from all the pills.

Tantric yoga.

The Zombie Lama said...

Hit someone. You'll feel better, I promise.

Hope your day is gettin' better.

Cheryl said...

Aw you have your pity party, everyone is entitled. I had one last Friday. I can see why you'd be upset too. Hang in there. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Van! said...

Hey I understand..that can suck. Things could be worse.. you could be a midget...wait... a gay midget...

No...a gay midget with gimp leg.. thats messed up!

Alistair! said...

Oh Boy! Just saw my life flash by before me. I know it sounds trite, but things WILL get better. I'm going through a low period at the moemnt. The incomings fall far, far short of the outgoings and I'm trying to get things moving so I can become a useful member aof society once again. But I think I can see alight at the end of the tunnel, a small distant star, but it's there. And there's no shame in having a wallow now and again.

beckibee said...

When one door closes the other...blah blah...now have yourself a pity party at Kendra's place with a nice bottle of wine/whine! I promise you'll feel better.

beckibee said...

P.S. Love you! ;)

Thomas said...

I never thought "that girl" would be so lovable.

Rico said...

If being "that girl" means you’re a girl who writes an awesomely funny blog and makes me laugh most everyday, a girl that will be fine no matter what happens or what she decides to do, a girl who should smile right now because there are a lot of people thinking about you - Then yes, you are "That girl."

Nicole said...

We're all "that girl" sometimes. And if you ask me, it seems that you're entitled this week. Come to think of it, I was "that girl" last week.

But you've clearly got your sh%# together, so I just know it will all work out. Hang in there. We're all on your side.

Nicole said...

Thanks for the birthday wishes, by the way. And for the link -- so flattered to be considered a HOOT!

Thomas said...

A little warning - sometimes "Mondays" last for years.

Marie said...

Awww, girl, I'm sorry. Believe me, I'm "that girl" too sometimes and that's when I tend to withdraw from everyone. You are entitled to feel all of these things when you are going through a rough patch. You're amazing and resourceful. I have no doubt that you will land somewhere great. *hugs*

dasi said...

You saw MY case of the Mondays - it does suck, but it's kind of necessary. It's really not normal to be "on" all the time - really! Funny how connected I feel to a "cyberfriend" - but good funny. Your comment helped me out on my bad day - I hope when I tell you you're NOT that girl (and who cares if you are, anyway?) and it's ok to have crappy moods, you'll take it to heart!

Kendra said...

I can be over with grilled cheese and vodka faster than you can say, "Get over here with grilled cheese and vodka." And I will bring my own vodka because you know when I was "that girl" your vodka supply took a serious hit. :)

Beth said...

Perhaps my crying was catching! I'm convinced that people who vent their frustrations through tears ultimately are healthier as nothing toxic can build up. :)
Don't worry about a job. They come and go, and the money always gets better. It'll work out, as things tend to do.
Hoping Tuesday looks better....

Timmortal said...

I've found that if you get a body pillow and put a smiley face on it you can pretend its a partner. Its great, they never make too much noise and they dont cry when you sniffle on them.

Thomas said...

Is anybody here have one of those Tuesdays?

Amber said...

Thanks so much you guys -- you're awesome and I really appreciate all of your sweet comments.

Hopefully my days as "that girl" are numbered... : )

Thomas said...

Maybe you can become the "it girl" instead. I am getting tired of the current "it girl" - Lindsay Lohan.

Miladysa said...

Tomorrow is another day Amber :)

appsdshell said...

I have to admit, I am also "that girl". I'm the girl who cries on the drop of a dime. You my friend are not alone. My fiance laughs at me all the time during movies because I can find just about anything to cry over in a movie. I'm so pathetic!

Lindsey said...

Awww. I'm going through the same thing. "Thus the name of my blog."

I am single, sometimes lonely and have a job that pays well but it's definetly not what I want to do but it pays the many bills I have. So I'm stuck.

jiggs said...

I usually drown my sorrows in pork fat. mmm. Lard.

Stephanie said...

Aw Amber, cheer up! Although I'm right there with you... I just lost one of my best friends to the relief efforts in Louisiana. He may be gone for upwards of 3 months! Lots of tears over that. Rest assured if I lived in Colorado, I'd be dropping by with a few bottles of champagne and a box or two of Kleenex! We could have our very own pity party!

Linda said...

Um, Trix? I can think of a lot of ways your life could be worse...
...you could write blogs that, oh, say 32 people (at last count) don't respond to....you could live with your parents...you could live in New Orleans...

You know we are here for you - tons of us. Road Trip to Collbran! HA! If THAT won't open your eyes to what you have going for you, I don't know what will.

Besos.

Amanda said...

oh girl, i hear you...i have had a case of the mondays for months! we gotta do something about it, right? onwards and upwards...

Stephanie said...

For Amber and all of her fans: Please stop by and visit my site for an important update regarding relief efforts for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Your time would be greatly appreciated! See you there!

(Amber, my appologies, but this "solicitation" is non-profit :)

Johnny Menace said...

you sure it wasn't because beth was poor?

Chief Slacker said...

It's fine to be "that girl" jsut wedge something fun in between, like That cute girl, or that fun girl. ;O)

And the imaginary BF better be good in imaginary bed or you should kick him to the curb and find a new one ;O)

Chief Slacker said...
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The Husband said...

even the thought of being unemployed sucks...unless you really hate your job. hopefully you have some funds set aside to hold you over in case the unfortunate should happen. just remember that you have plenty of loyal fans in case you need cheering up!

Thomas said...

Here's to your 40th comment. And may there be 40 more, Amber.

Amber said...

Seriously, did I mention how much I love all you guys? You're the best!

Alice said...

holla atcha that girl... as you know from my current blog lame-i-tude, i am RIGHT THERE WITHYA. i still pride myself on not crying though. so when i got news from the doc yesterday that i didn't want, and my bf called and was really nice to me and it made me cry? i told him i had to call a friend back so i could cry in my car and no one would know ;-)

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY. yeesh.

this is a really long comment. sorry. one more thing though - i also know ALL about the "will we/won't we" thing. did i mention i used to work for usairways??? i recommend getting out :-\ it's better for your sanity.

W. S. Cross said...

Crying is a good thing, both for releasing emotions and manipulating men!